The ultimate guide to ditching Mom Guilt
Ah mom guilt. We've all felt it at some point.
First, let's go to the actual definition of the word "guilt".
What is guilt?
According to Google, guilt is "the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime."
When do moms feel guilty?
Moms seem to feel guilty for almost everything. Not giving their kids enough attention. Too much screen time. Too little social time. Eating out too much. Not enough presents. Not giving them another sibling. Giving younger siblings less 1:1 attention. Yelling. Crying. Not pushing kids enough. Being too soft. Not playing with kids. Not giving kids enough opportunities. Not cleaning enough. Being a stay-at-home mom. Not being involved enough with daycare/school. Going back to work. Not being fully present at work. Not being fully present at home. There seem to be an infinite amount of things to feel guilty about.
But is it an actual offense or a crime for moms to do those things above?
No, of course not! But why does it feel that way? Why are moms pressured to conform to this "motherhood is martrydom" philosophy just because we saw our own moms and grandmoms do so?
What's really a shame is that moms feel guilty for just taking care of themselves or spending money on themselves. As if it's a crime to want to care about our own health and well-being! I see moms every day putting off self-care appointments, hobbies, and goals. Moms ignore their own pain and symptoms, or shake off discomfort for YEARS only to then deal it with when it's gotten extremely bad. Why?
Because they feel their needs are "not that important" anymore? Because they feel judged by each other for not doing more for their kids? I'm not really sure what the answer is, but societal/cultural pressures, access/privilege, and lack of self-worth seem to be major factors.
I don't think moms are making a conscious decision to not care for themselves. It's not like they're doing it on purpose. However, the reality is, when you treat yourself like you don't matter... over time, you really start to believe that you don't matter.
My experience with mom guilt
I have to admit that I used to feel guilty taking care of myself too. In fact, I spent more time and money on infant swim classes, baby music classes and sensory play groups for my first child than I ever did on myself, my hobbies or my postpartum recovery. I thought that's what my baby needed, and of course, I wanted to give my baby only the best opportunities. But real talk? What my baby actually needed was a mom who took care of herself so she could show up as a calm, self-regulated and strong parent instead of stressed out and feeling inadequate in her body. Instead of resenting my child for wanting to be carried, I wish I strengthened my body so it felt easy to carry her. Instead of seeing the same unhelpful pelvic physio, I wish I found a new one who actually understood and supported me in my goals (instead of giving me endless Kegels and basic boring exercises for months). Instead of investing more in baby classes, I wish I invested more in mental health therapy and solid postpartum fitness support. I wish I got back to feeling like MYSELF.
I let all my self-care go back then. I kept hoping my prolapse, leaks and core weakness would get better over time, but in reality, I got further and further away from how I wanted to feel. I lost my fitness. I was sedentary, weak and exhausted. And then I got pregnant with baby 2! It was a wake-up call for me. I started to learn more about pregnancy, postpartum, pelvic health and fitness through the transition. Lucky for me, I already had almost a decade of physiotherapy experience under my belt, so it was easier for me to learn about all this stuff.
How I overcame mom guilt
By the time I had my second baby, I knew better. I knew there was no perfect time to start caring for myself. I knew things wouldn't just "get better" on their own. So I started to practice self-care from the beginning. I wove in exercise and movement wherever I could. I learned about postpartum fitness and trained myself to do the things I wanted to do - including running, jumping, climbing and skiing. I took brief moments as opportunities for self-care - whether it was a walk, a hot chocolate, or a solo dance party. I let whatever little bits I got in be enough. My mindset started to shift. My guilt started to dissipate. And my self-worth improved bit by bit. Now, I can say with 100% confidence that I am absolutely worth taking care of myself.
How I help people overcome mom guilt
This is why I love what I do. My passion is helping people feel their best. I love supporting people to prioritize themselves. I love showing people what they're capable of. I love helping people build habits of self-care, movement and exercise. And perhaps that all fits within physiotherapy or coaching, but I think it's so much more.
LMK below - where are you in your journey with mom guilt? Do you feel guilt when taking care of yourself? I’d love to hear, and of course, without judgment!
If you want support from me, here are a few ways you can access support:
Book a 1:1 virtual consult
Subscribe to my BASE fitness membership
