Business with a new baby (and toddler)
I started my own business a month before my second child was born. Seven months into the business, and six months into life with kids, and here is my advice.
1. It’s going to be hard. Acknowledge it. Own it. Accept it. Don’t act like it’s easy or that it’s supposed to be easy.
2. Support system. Your village. If you have a partner – make sure they are actually being useful and DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Are they taking time off work or reducing work hours? If not, why not? Yes, you may lose money and may not make as much in the short-term, BUT your sanity is worth it. Is your partner cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, grocery shopping etc? You’re not a robot, nor do you get any awards for “doing it all.” Tell your partner exactly what you need from them. Remember that you are also healing, and if you’re breastfeeding or pumping, a lot of your energy will go to that too. This healing work isn’t always visible, but it’s a lot. Don’t undervalue yourself. Here are some ways that we make it work as a family:
a. Partner wakes up to change baby at night, if needed
b. Partner rocks baby to sleep because a) it’s faster, b) I need sleep, c) I just breastfed – I did my “work”, they then do theirs. YES even if they have to work the next day.
c. In the early days, partner prepared breakfast and left it ready for me. Make it as easy as possible so that you ensure you eat regularly so you don’t burn out.
d. Partner makes my favourite smoothie daily when I’m feeding my son
e. Partner cooks all the meals in the evenings after older child is in bed OR while I’m out at the park before dinner.
f. My mom makes us lunch on weekdays and dinners on weekends
g. Partner wakes up early with the kids so I can sleep in, since I’m usually up late at night doing work
3. Seek help rather than wasting time Googling: business coach, therapist, physiotherapist, postpartum fitness coach, osteopath, paediatrician, naturopathic doctor, nutritionist etc. Yes, you’ll be spending $ but you also don’t have time to waste. Time is money. Find out who is the best at doing that and enlist their services. If you’re stressed, don’t try to hero through it. GET HELP.
4. Boundaries. Not just for others – but for yourself. There are a LOT of late nights. I’ve stayed up until 4-5 am too many times, because it’s finally quiet and I’m on a roll and can get shit done. But that’s not sustainable. I have to set myself bedtime goals (and I don’t always meet them, because I get carried away working). Know that it’s not going to be perfect but that you need to establish some boundaries for yourself so you eat, sleep, drink water and do the basics. If you suck at keeping your boundaries, have your partner or best friend hold you accountable. It’s too easy to burn out, and it’s not worth it.
5. Make a list of the things that bring you joy (do this while you’re pregnant, if possible!). And do at least 1 of those things every single day! For me, it’s getting exercise, getting outside, drinking my chocolate smoothies, dancing, laughing, connecting with my people on IG. Some of those things are part of my daily routine. Sometimes, my IG presence isn’t as high as I’d like. And that’s okay. Don’t feel guilty for being a human with a new baby. Share as much of your new mom experience as you’d like and share your joy if you don’t know what else to share (thank you Shanté @themovement maestro for that one!)
6. Protect your time for the people who truly bring you joy or value. I know this sounds kind of off-key, but seriously. You don’t have time for friends that bring you down or who don’t understand what you’re doing. Surround yourself with people who are also doing the thing and will able to offer you real advice or solidarity. I haven’t chatted with my closest friends as often as I usually would. They don’t get what I’m doing or why, they don’t have the same priorities and they don’t have to. Some of my biggest supporters right now are online friends including those in the Maestro Mafia.
7. Daily to-do list in order of priorities – and put yourself first. Your kids don’t need anything fancy. They don’t need to be cleaned a million times. They don’t need to read 50 books a day. Take that pressure off to be this “perfect” parent, and just be YOU. You don’t have to go all-out for holidays. You don’t need to decorate, bake everything from scratch etc. Outsource what you can, if you have the cash, and if you don’t, do these things really need to happen?
8. Every day won’t be the same. You’ll be super productive one day, and then go through a spell of shitty sleep, and you’ll feel like a zombie. On those days, allow yourself to chill. Even if zero things get done for 3-4 days in a row. Even if you have to reschedule meetings. Every day is a new day! Don’t dwell on the shitty days. Focus on rest and then when you have a clear head the next day, get stuff done.
9. Compassion and no comparison! You won’t be the perfect mom all the time. You won’t be a perfect business-owner all the time. Let go of perfection. Be kind to yourself and to your older child. This is a big transition for the whole family. Your older child is also processing and sometimes they will “act out” (i.e., just being a human). You will too. Your younger baby will get less attention and that’s okay. Your older child will get less attention now, and that’s also okay.
10. Adjust your expectations. Don’t expect to have quiet, uninterrupted time. There is a lot of overwhelm – constant noise with young kids. Realize that this is just life right now (not forever!), so do as much as you’re able to, and reduce all the pressures on yourself. Know that you may lose money temporarily, and that’s okay. In the grand scheme of life, you don’t have to make ALL the money now. Your business doesn’t have to be in growth phase all the time. Focus on showing love to your existing people. But always always always SHOW LOVE TO YOURSELF FIRST.
What resonated with you the most? Let me know if you found this helpful! And connect with me anytime you need to chat.
Stay courageous,
Surabhi
