Is vaginismus a life sentence?
If you’ve never heard the term vaginismus, consider yourself lucky. According to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, vaginismus is a psychologic disorder manifested by fear and anxiety to penetration, and a physical disorder noted by vaginal spasm. As many as 5-17% of people with vaginas experience vaginismus.¹ And this number is often much higher (up to 55%) in countries like India where sexual health and pelvic health are considered taboo.²
What are signs you have have vaginismus?
you’ve never been able to insert a finger in your vagina
you’ve never been able to wear tampons or menstrual cups
intercourse or penetrative sex feels impossible
you dread pap smears and gynecological exams
you feel poking, burning or excruciating pain with attempting vaginal penetration
it feels like you’re hitting a wall while trying to insert finger, tampon, toy or penis
you have a fear of pain or anything being inserted into your vagina
People suffering from vaginismus may also have a history of physical, sexual or emotional trauma or abuse, which can add to the fear of penetration. People with vaginismus may also experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of low self-worth or low self-confidence from facing medical gaslighting, losing spouses or partners, rejection, and a feeling like your body has failed you. In some religions, an unconsummated marriage may even be grounds for divorce³, which can further increase the pressure and feeling of shame when a woman cannot have penetrative intercourse. In addition, in cultures and societies where a woman’s worth lies in her ability to “satisfy her man” or in having babies, people with vaginismus suffer even more greatly.
Is vaginismus curable?
Vaginismus is horrible but fully treatable and curable. No matter how bad your vaginismus is, or how long you’ve had it for, there is help. Vaginismus treatment includes a combination of pelvic physiotherapy, mental health support, sexual counselling, and medical management.
Pelvic Physiotherapy for Vaginismus
Pelvic floor physical therapy has historically revolved around using dilators or vaginal trainers to expand the vaginal canal.⁴ That made sense when we thought vaginismus was just a physical condition of “vaginal spasm.” Now we know that vaginismus is more than a physical spasm of the pelvic floor. It also involves psychological distress resulting in fear and anxiety around penetration. And this is why we need to treat the mind AND body when it comes to treating vaginismus. If you’ve been seeing a pelvic physio for months to years and haven’t seen progress, please find a new one that uses a different approach. So often, we think our bodies are the problem when physio isn’t working, when in reality, it’s just the wrong approach for your problem.
Similarly, if your doctor or healthcare provider had told you to “just drink wine before sex” or “keep having sex until it stops hurting,” they have misled you and failed you. Repeated attempts at painful penetration will do the exact opposite of help. It will actually worsen the pain and fear of pain, and make you feel less confident in your sex life. Genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorders like vaginismus require treatment, not just time, alcohol or a “suck it up” mentality. So please seek help!
I support clients in Toronto with vaginismus and pelvic pain, and I support people across Ontario through virtual physiotherapy. If you experience vaginismus, sexual pain or pelvic pain, I would love to help!
Book a pelvic physiotherapy consultation or a free call here!
What it’s like living with vaginismus: “I have never experienced sex my entire life because of this horrible condition”
My dear client wanted to write me a detailed review to share her experience that sexual pain is not normal! She says, “There are many women facing pain during penetration, but most of them choose to live with it. They may not be comfortable sharing with their doctors or anyone as it is such an intimate issue. And many would not even know that this is a treatable condition.”
Here’s what she shares about her life with vaginismus:
“I have always experienced pain during penetration. I was told sex is painful, and for a very long time, I thought what I was experiencing is normal. Whenever any attempts of penetration were done - finger or penis - I would anticipate pain and tighten myself. I always felt a poking and burning sensation, and I would get so worked up that I would cry in pain and push my partner away. I started dreading intimacy.
I have never experienced sex my entire life because of this condition. I started feeling something was fundamentally wrong with me. But I did not know whom to share this with or what this condition is called or where to seek help. Later on, I learned this condition is called vaginismus. I met gynacologists, but they were not of much help. One of them suggested using lubricant, and another gynac suggested that I use tampons, but inserting even an inch of my finger was painful. My gyne visits always resulted in disappointment and I would leave the place in tears because even though the gynacs said there is nothing wrong with me, I knew I was not able to do something a woman is designed to do easily. It just killed my self-confidence and my self-worth because it questioned my entire being as a woman.”
If you’re reading this and feeling seen, remember that there are SO MANY women and vulva-owners just like you. You are not alone, you are not broken, and the first thing you need to do is believe that you will improve.
How a woman with vaginismus found hope after working with me in pelvic physiotherapy
“I started following Surabhi on social media and liked the content she shared and the awareness she spreads on various topics related to pelvic health. Initially, I took some workshops (Reclaim your Pleasure workshop & Pelvic Strength workshop) and did the exercises. I liked the way she explained and addressed everything systematically. Later on, I booked one-on-one physiotherapy sessions so that I could discuss my specific symptoms.
I remember when I visited Surabhi's clinic the first time, my heart was racing and somewhere a belief that it's going to be the same as my every other prior gynac visit. However, Surabhi's words were like magic, I did not understand when or how I calmed down. She took my consent and ensured I was comfortable and assessed me. It was painful like always, but the way she explained my situation with examples and analogies helped me understand that I need to do some work and I will see improvement.
I left the first session with a big smile on my face and a hope that things would improve. And that I'm normal and my pelvic floor muscles needed a little training like any other muscle. I followed everything that Surabhi told, and finally, I could insert my entire finger before my second session, which was within a week's time. Something that I could not do for my entire life, with proper guidance and understanding of my anatomy, I could do it within a week. I cannot explain in words what that meant to me. It was not about being able to insert something, it was about breaking all those self limiting beliefs I had about myself and what I was told by others. That moment is etched in my memory forever.
In our future sessions, we continued to see less resistance and more flexibility. Surabhi, you will always hold a special place in my heart. :) I'm forever grateful to you."
How societal values impact self-worth for people with vaginismus
It makes me so grateful to be able to support people in such a vulnerable time in their life. There is so much internalized shame, self-hate and fear that people with vaginismus can experience. Fear of their husbands leaving them, fear of infertility or difficulty getting pregnant, avoiding doctors appointments due to fear of gyne exams. All this can take such a big toll on your physical, mental and emotional health.
We live in a society that makes women feel worthless if they can’t “give” their husbands or partners penetrative sex. This archaic mentality needs to be challenged. We need to stop valuing male cisgender heterosexual pleasure over our own. Remember that you too are deserving of pleasure whether or not your vagina can tolerate intercourse. There are so many ways to be intimate with your partner outside of P in V sex (penis in vagina sex), and it’s important to explore those options even while seeking treatment for vaginismus.
Remember that you are whole, complete, and fully capable of healing. Check out the resources below for more support.
Want help for vaginismus?
You can see me for pelvic physiotherapy in North York, Toronto, or you can book a virtual physiotherapy session. Book a free discovery call here to get started.
Grab my Pleasure Trio bundle that includes the Reclaim your Pleasure workshop, Pelvic Strength Workshop, and my 28-day Pleasure Prompts Calendar!
References
Pacik PT, Geletta S. Vaginismus Treatment: Clinical Trials Follow Up 241 Patients. Sex Med. 2017 Jun;5(2):e114-e123. doi: 10.1016/j.esxm.2017.02.002. Epub 2017 Mar 28. PMID: 28363809; PMCID: PMC5440634.
Mishra VV, Nanda S, Vyas B, Aggarwal R, Choudhary S, Saini SR. Prevalence of female sexual dysfunction among Indian fertile females. J Midlife Health. 2016 Oct-Dec;7(4):154-158. doi: 10.4103/0976-7800.195692. PMID: 28096637; PMCID: PMC5192983.
Maria McEvoy, Rosaleen McElvaney & Rita Glover (05 Dec 2021): Understanding vaginismus: a biopsychosocial perspective, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/14681994.2021.2007233
Ramanathan V, Gautham K, Ramasubramaniam UM. Common Pitfalls in the Management of Vaginismus in Couples With Subfertility in India. Journal of Psychosexual Health. 2022;4(2):133-137. doi:10.1177/26318318221089600
About Surabhi Veitch
Hi! I’m The Passionate Physio and I’m obsessed with helping women and non-binary people improve their pleasure and sex lives! I can support you through pelvic physiotherapy in North York, Toronto or virtually, or you can learn from one of my pelvic health workshops!
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