68. Precipitous Birth, Guilt & Societal Stigma with Sarah Sayed (Part 2)
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Don’t erase us from our own birth stories! ;)
Part 2 of this conversation with Sarah Sayed continues (did you miss Part 1?), where we talk about the guilt around precipitous birth, erasure of women in birth stories, societal views of birth, and exercising as a parent.
Sarah Sayed Bio:
Sarah is an artist, a mom with ADHD, a pull-up enthusiast, and currently a fingerprint technician for the RCMP.
Connect with Sarah:
—Follow Sarah on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/saysarahnow/ and check out her art https://www.instagram.com/drawdemic/
—Kensington Midwives: https://kensingtonmidwives.ca/
Connect with Surabhi:
Website: https://www.thepassionatephysio.ca
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Sarah: [00:01:38] But the only, the funny thing is, after I got over the guilt, the other thing that really annoyed me was my husband. Every opportunity, he's a wonderful storyteller. He would tell the birth story and oh you delivered the baby. Over and over. I wasn't sure why it was annoying me so much. I thought maybe
postpartum hormones, but it made me angry. I would always interrupt his storytelling and it was annoying, and I would interrupt and just go straight to the end because I, I was sick of people being like, you delivered the baby. That's amazing. Over and over and over again. It was like one or two times and I was like, why Is, like, why am I erased from this story?
Why do I have no rule? Yes. And I listen, I don't wanna a gold star because I do feel like I wish I'd known I was in labor. I wish I'd called the midwives. I wish I had been monitored. It is scary. Like it is super scary. Not to know you're in labor and then to feel the, have the baby's head and then be like, oh no, I made a mistake.
Look, I missed this. Oh no, there was a guilt. And there's also like, you're not being monitored, so what if something went wrong and my brain went [00:02:38] there? What if, what if, what if this happened? It took a while to get over that, but I know from a woman's experience how scary it is to have a no, no one monitoring you, you're basically a medically unsupervised birth.
And of course it's a natural process. You want to be supervised. Midwives do a lot during the labor. Doctors do a lot. They're monitoring you, they're checking your blood pressure, they're checking how you're doing. They're telling you how much you're dilated. They're telling you the coaching you want to breathe. I'm lucky I didn't get serious tears because that, that, you know, I was, I wasn't coached, I wasn't told, you know, breathe.
Surabhi: Yeah. Cause it can happen with more precipitous births where you can get bigger tears.
Societal Views on Birth
Surabhi: So, yeah. You know, and I think that, I always say like, if we lived in a culture and society where birth was normalized and not medicalized, there would be more births like yours. And people wouldn't have as much fear around it because it would be like, oh yeah, this is just what we do.
This is what you know what to do. You know what the signs look out for yourself. But we don't live in that kind of world. We live in a world where on TV we see scary births all the time. We see [00:03:38] emergency scenarios all the time, and we start to think that. When you know when birth is happening that, oh, what could go, like, could things go wrong?
Yes. Instead of like, I'm just thinking like a wild animal giving birth. They're not thinking what could go wrong. They're just like, all right, I'm just gonna do my thing and give birth. And so I think that speaks to the fact that we culturally, our society needs to change our perspective on birth and go back to the fact that birth is innate.
Just like throwing up. I always say, you don't need to be taught how to throw up. Body just does it. Yeah. When you have the urge, you just go. And birth can also be innate like yours was, where your body just took over and you didn't have to fight it, you didn't have to do anything. It just happened. And, and again, I'm so glad everything did go okay at the end with your son and with you and everything.
But, that guilt piece is something that I feel I wouldn't have thought of or known. And I think, I think thank you for sharing that.
Erasure of Women in Birth Stories
Surabhi: And I did a real while ago. It's like, why? When people ask Who [00:04:38] delivered your baby, it's you.
Sarah: Yes. And I love that whether you had a C-section or vaginal birth, it's always you.
I, we had this conversation on Instagram and I was like, yes, I love it. I love what you're saying. And I relate to everything. And it's weird cuz it's not that I wanted a gold star like yay me, but it's just, I wanted acknowledgement that I went through a birth without medical supervision and that was tough.
So like, yeah, pat on the back, you just wanna be seen.
Surabhi: Yeah. Yeah,
Sarah: like I'm part of the story. It's almost like I wasn't there and it's like it just happened. The baby just happened, and it's like I wasn't there and my husband delivered everyone in Egypt. They heard about the story and they're like, oh yeah, he'll deliver.
He'll do all the, it's like he did everything and all the steps. I'm like, there wasn't really. It fell out and I, I a hundred percent props to him. And I'm not saying but for calm and everything. Yeah. That's just the way everyone reacts is like, oh, he delivered, who did over? And then I went on the internet, I looked up different precipitous labors and stories and the women's erased in a hundred percent of them.
So I do think there's an element of patriarchy where it's like, yeah, you know, security guard delivered baby. Uh, nine year old delivered baby. Taxi [00:05:38] baby. Taxi cab driver.
Surabhi: Yeah. Taxi cab driver deliver baby.
Sarah: And again, like. Good for them for being calm in a situation, calling 9 1 1, but the baby was gonna come, it was gonna come, it would've come if the woman alone, it was gonna come.
And, and there was what really angered me. Like my husband is not like out to take credit, but he just like likes to say like, it's a story. Yeah. It's, it's our story. Story. And, and it's a great story, right? It's, yeah. And he's a great storyteller. So like, it is annoying. I keep interrupting him, but, but, I read an a few when I was Googling precipitous labour.
I read some really annoying, like there's a guy that was like, oh yeah, my wife had, again, no picture of the wife, picture of the guy his age, his occupation. He delivered these two babies at home. You know, both times they didn't have time to go to the hospital. Oh gee, I hope it doesn't happen again because poor me.
And I'm like, excuse me, the woman had two. Un medically supervised birth. And you want me to sympathize to you? What about your wife? How do you think
she was feeling? I know
how she was feeling and it's stressful. Yeah. So No, no. Like not poor me. Yeah. How about we talk about this woman that did all [00:06:38] these births and it's like, oh wow.
Like, cool, like, like again, not gold star, but like if you're gonna share the story. Don't erase woman
Surabhi: well and share it from the perspective of the person who is doing the work. Yeah. And this is, you know, I see a parallel between it is patriarchy and there's also a parallel between that. And like white supremacy, like our history books, whose story are they telling?
Right? Yes. Like, you know, when we learn about Canadian history, we don't even learn about indigenous history. Exactly. Or indigenous people's current day. We don't learn that. And so oftentimes it's like the person. And it's not, sometimes it's not even done intentionally to harm. I, I don't believe it's done.
It's not, yeah. It's just done. Because that's what we are used to seeing. Yeah. Know the doctors, oh, this was a, I got there just in time to catch the baby. But you're like, okay, but how did that mother feel when she was waiting
without a. Um,
doctor present, or a midwife present. Right. And,
Sarah: and that's the part that I feel like I wanna hear, but when you, if you're telling that story, mention that woman's told experience [00:07:38] and acknowledge that in all cases, like you said, it's always the woman that delivers.
It's always the woman that did 99% of the work, you know, going through labor, not sleeping, especially people who have difficult, painful labors. It's a sacrifice and it's like good. You know, it's a huge sacrifice. It's a beautiful thing. But it's hard and it's icky and you feel gross and you really, if, I mean people who go to, I'm sure passed the 40, you know, to 41 weeks, I'm sure at that point you're like, Ugh, again, come on.
Surabhi: Just go. And it's fine. Oh, I went to 41 with my first, and it was, yeah, it was really hard. And I think that, um, I think one part that's not talked about is, you know, even if you end up with a c-section, You still did 99.9999%. Exactly. All the other person did. And, and you have this
Sarah: though recovery. You're doing all the work and recovery from major abdominal surgery that you are doing for your children that you love.
And it's like, it's a beautiful thing to give your body to, like, it's such a beautiful thing. It's a sacrifice and it is beautiful. Yeah. And, and it should be honored and maybe if we honored it, it would be like treated like other surgeries where we understand [00:08:38] that the process takes weeks. If mine, if I wasn't ready, I probably had the easiest birth.
Imaginable and I wasn't ready to return to exercise in four weeks. My pelvic floor, other areas still needed healing. So it gives pause at how, if you have more complicated birth, if you go through abdominal surgery for C-section, you need more time to recover, need more time. And if we say like, Maybe if we acknowledge the mother's role in this delivery, then maybe we would acknowledge that there's more time needed for recovery.
Diet & Bounce Back Culture
Sarah: There's, you know, your body's been through a lot and especially like diet culture, and I have friends that they couldn't breastfeed and I have no opinion. You breastfeed, formula fed is best, but they were barely eating. I saw them, they were barely eating and I knew it wasn't my place, but they're trying to lose a baby weight.
And I'm like, of course you're not gonna ha be able to breastfeed if you're not eating it enough. Can't, can't, you can't make milk if you're not it. Calories can't be a calorie deficit. And feeding your child, you kind of need more calories. I think you even need more calories when you're breastfeeding than when you're pregnant.
Like, it's probably,
Surabhi: yeah. My mys were like, remember your baby comes out. My, my, my daughter was eight pounds. She's like, [00:09:38] she's gonna be 10 pounds soon, so you need to feed a 10 pound baby and you're exclusively breastfeeding, so you need more calories. And I was like, I, I
Sarah: read ravenous pounds. 300 extra calories when you're pregnant.
Minimum, yes. And 500, again, it depends on your activity levels and other things. 500 extra when you're breastfeeding. 500 instead of 300. So there's more and more you need cause of diet culture. The moment you have your baby, it's like okay, you're not harming the baby anymore. So diet and it's like, no, your body needs to recover.
So what if you have a tummy? So what if you gained weight? I was, um, I was 135 before, and by the time I had my baby, I was 180. Yeah. And my baby was small. So what, like you, yeah. And some people gain more, some people gain less and it doesn't matter. But like, don't pressure yourself. To return. It took me more than a, it, it was more than a year before I returned and my body changed.
Like I have broader shoulders just from holding the baby. That's before my more chin, more muscle. I have more muscle because it's physi. Even if you're not working out, you are carrying a baby. So you are working out and you are [00:10:38] working out. Yeah. You're, you're feeding, you're, you're lifting this car seat to get in the car.
Like there's a lot of physical, it's very physical having a baby. So you are doing work and it's like, Don't, you don't need to engage in diet culture. You shouldn't be thinking about that for a long time. Don't please. This is not the time to be diet culturing and there's a lot of pressure. But like I
Surabhi: ignore that when I joined it.
Like unfollow accounts that
Sarah: you Yeah. When I feel bad, like I like,
Returning to Exercise as a Parent
Sarah: just like the Sarahe reason I love your base program. That's great. Like cuz it's good to not think about your workouts when you have the baby. Even if you have a fitness background, it's good to just not think about anything. To do something for yourself.
And it's good to have short, like I tell people like, My workouts became like 15 minutes and I, with the kid crying, like it's like, it would've been, I didn't have childcare, I didn't have access to a gym, so I always built it around my kid. So like I would say, half ass your workout. Yes, please. Like if you didn't get much sleep, do five minutes.
Like it doesn't matter. And I kept my kettlebells. In my living [00:11:38] room. Yeah. And I remember people come visit and say, oh my gosh, your baby might knock them over. I'm like, they're 35 pounds. My baby is not even, my baby is eight pounds. It's not gonna happen. He's
not gonna knock them over. Yeah. It's like, could I move a 500 pound weight?
No. So you're my baby. Yeah. Yeah. So I just remove all barriers and, um, but don't pressure yourself. I love that. It's not like you are working out regardless, because kids are physical, um, parents who have
disabilities, they're still being physical. You know, you don't have to hold your child standing up, obviously.
Like there's no one way to parent and there's no one way to, like, if you can't carry the child cuz of your back, it's all fine. Yeah. But you will be moving one way or another, you'll be.
Surabhi: And you will
be working out. And I, I think that's the point that I like to make is, you know, I love that you said like at four weeks you weren't ready for exercise.
And I always say it depends what exercise is because you already are exercising as soon as you bring the baby home and you're walking, sometimes climbing upstairs, sometimes just holding that is all exercise. Like my arms were jacked, you know? Yeah. Just folding. Exactly. And then, you know, once baby starts walking, then my arms went back normal.
But um, you know, [00:12:38] it's just, It goes to show that exercise doesn't have to be one thing. You can start exercising. I work with clients virtually. So it's super easy for them. They, you know, they book in the first week, 10 days postpartum. We're getting started with very basic core pelvic floor, gentle, functional movements because they're ready for it and they're already doing it anyways.
And so I teach them how to do it in a way that actually supports their healing. And supports their mobility and reduces aches and pain so that as they get to that four week, six week, eight week mark, they can start going to those stroller fit classes and those, yeah, those more active classes and feel successful.
Sarah: Mm-hmm. I think it's, and, and jump in this, but it's like everything will come, but like, it's not the time to rush it. Um, some people can run earlier than others. It doesn't matter. It's not, it's a very personal thing. Don't compare yourself to another mom or to other people. You just do. You and your body will tell you like, you will you when you feel awful.
That's probably. Too much like dial it down if you feel like, like you shouldn't feel worse. If you feel awful, then it's probably like [00:13:38] you're not getting enough sleep, you're not eating. I mean, no one's getting enough sleep, but like not perfect. And also it's okay, dial it back. You just then did something major and it,
Surabhi: there's no like rush to get back to anything.
No. You know? No. And it's more like exercise has to support you and your life and not take away from it. So if you exer, I believe every mom. Hopefully gets stronger postpartum. Other than baby caring, I think lifting weights is important because it helps to make.
Mom life easier.
Yes. Yes. It's so much easier to carry my toddler when I have strong arms and legs.
Sarah: I would've been able to handle it if I didn't have like, oh, I needed all my strength. Let's just put it that way, to handle the demands of motherhood. Yeah. And so, um, um, like, like I would hope every mom has the. I believe faster do it. Pain, pain, pain free. You know, like, not have, like, like the leaks are so common.
Everything is so common. So you'd hope that if you, you know, eventually get referred to a pelvic floor or get, you know, check your diastasis , um, not to, not to panic, but just know [00:14:38] everyone's gonna have a diastasis . So when I went. Suggest she, she, she checked, she said, oh, it's like minor. It's pretty small. And, um, just to, so you're aware, I'm not like a caution, like, don't do this, don't do that.
But just so you know,
Surabhi: and you know, new evidence really says you don't even really need to check because in the early postpartum phase, everybody has one. Mm-hmm. So, checking for it. Sometimes scares people cuz they're like, ah, I have three finger wide diasis. Oh, I have two finger. And they get obsessed about the numbers.
And I'm like, listen, you alwa, you already know you're gonna have looseness. Mm-hmm. You already know you've gotta do these exercises. If you, as long as you don't have a hernia, you know, then we, you need to look at it a little bit more. But let's focus on the work that needs to be done. Wait at least three months before, in my opinion, checking for diastasis prolapse and or not even checking for prolapse or grading the prolapse, like saying, oh, you're stage one, stage two.
Because there's a lot of innate healing that happens. Even if we did nothing, even if we did do exactly any exercise, your body's already healing. Exactly. So we don't need to be planting fears and [00:15:38] like, oh, you've got this degree or this degree.
Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. People get scared and. And what I want people to know is if you do feel like down the road several months after, a year after that, you're still having issues, you could see a pelvic floor physio, you could get Yeah.
Help for that. People don't even know that exists. Like I, um, how is it an Egyptian culture? Is there a lot of knowledge on that? No, I would say no. Sarahe in the Indian culture.
Surabhi: They're like, what? Excuse me, what do you do? And I'm like, I do, firstly, don't worry. I don't even know.
Sarah: And, and again, again, diet culture is huge in Egypt.
Totally. Totally. At least amongst my family. So it's very much like when I saw my aunt like, oh, look at you. You lost the, this much weight that all the comments are about appearance and you really don't want that. Like, you kind of, your body changes. I, I, there was a year where I didn't know what my size was.
I had a bazillion pants and I would be like, does this one fit? No. Okay. This one. Okay. Yeah. Like you could just. So like you don't know, but you like, it's like I would be cautious to comment even in the positive negative. Yeah. I just don't comment. I think just in commenting is, and, and, and, because again, with the hormones and everything, you're [00:16:38] really sensitive to anything.
Yeah. So like, just, just say it's a nice day or how are you doing? But don't make it about the body. Just make it about other things and
Surabhi: like, how are you feeling? Yeah. Like I felt after my first child I had prolapse and leaks and I felt awful, but I looked. I bounced back the day after I gave birth. I went back to my pre-baby size.
I was literally all baby. Wow. And everyone was like, what's your secret? Like as if I had done something special and I'm like, Ugh. Does nobody care how I actually feel? Yeah. And I really felt like nobody cared. They just cared that I bounced back physically. And then after my second, I, you know, I'm a lot heavier than I was, but I feel so good, but nobody's telling me I look great.
And that messes with you too, because you're like, oh, but last time people did, how come you're not saying it this time? And so this is the, the problem with diet culture and the, the over obsession about women's bodies and how they look. And I have really gone away from. Accounts people. My, my family's pretty [00:17:38] good.
Yeah. Indian culture, they're usually depending on the Indian right. Some parts of India or some families, I, I should say, I'm not gonna generalize mm-hmm. For an entire country, but some families are more into it than others. I find most South Indian families are less so because there's a little bit more conservative.
Like we don't talk about bodies and sex and,
Sarah: you know, physicality and, and asari cuz my husband's from Bangladesh, so I have exposure through, um, his culture, which has been wonderful. Like they're, I love Indian cuisine. I love, uh, the saris. I have 20 of them, but I don't know how to put them on, which is kind of a waste cuz I'll tutorial please.
No, please. If we can like video tutorial because it's such a waste, it's beautiful garment and it's a nice, it's not overly like yes, you, you can, you can breastfeed a child with a sari you can have. You know, your belly grow or whatever, no one will notice. Like it's actually a really nice, it is practical garments.
It's beautiful practical garment. Yeah. Um, like I can see a lot of, lot of uses for it, so I'm kind of like, wow, this is cool. Cuz I'd never, you know, it's different. Like, we have, we don't have that, that clothes in Egypt, so I was just like [00:18:38] fascinated by it. And um, we all like, love it. We're like, oh, it's so pretty, but like, I can't put it on, it would look like a toga.
Like I can't, like I admire the skill and I admire, like it's 8, 8, 8 meters of fabric and just, it's like that you
Surabhi: cup up garment six yards or nine yards, depending on the length. Yes. Wow. Like, wow. And then it becomes this beautiful thing and there's like, yeah. So many different ways to wear it too.
Different styles.
Sarah: Different styles. How, how neat. And then so versatile. Yeah, like, like, so I admire that and I think it's handy. Not saying like, you shouldn't wear revealing clothes and show your belly. You definitely should wear what you want. But it's nice that there's a garment that that doesn't, like, there's an option.
You have the choice to be like, like it's not like it doesn't have to be there if you don't want it. You can kind of like listen.
Surabhi: Never have. I felt so, um, not judged in any Indian culture, cuz I was always too small. It was always too thin. Mm-hmm. It's not curvy. I was tiny.
I was tiny. I was like a hundred pounds. Right. So, Then after ahead. My second, I, I have curves now. I have fat [00:19:38] and nobody says anything about my body. That's great. And I'm like, this is great, because before it was, oh, you need to eat more. You need to eat more now. Nobody judges, nobody says anything. So it's like the reverse diet culture
there
Sarah: in, in Bengali culture, and at least amongst the family friends, when they see me, they're like, oh, you gained weight
great. You really look. Like's better. Like you needed that. And I was like, oh wow, this is like a contrast. Like they're all like, happy, happy, such a contrast. They're like, they're so happy. They're like, it's like, I guess we're willingly now. I dunno. Hey,
Surabhi: bigger the bigger the better. Again, in certain cultures there's a lot of poverty and lack of food and so you being bigger reflects health and richness and wealth, right?
So it's, it's a sign that you're doing well and I always think like my ancestors would be so proud to see that I am. That their lineage has continued and is eating and is doing well. And so I often think about it from that and thriving. Right. And I think it's, that's great. It is, uh, judgment on either end is not good.
Whether you're too thin, you're too big. But at least it's [00:20:38] hopefully happening less and less in our communities. And I think our generation is changing the game because we are raising children with that. Forethought of not pushing that culture on them. Yes. Not pushing these unrealistic
standards on them.
Sarah: I admit I have a hard time not telling my son to finish his plate or to eat, like I'm trying to be very neutral with the food language. But it's hard cuz sometimes like, you know, he only wants to eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets and you're like, no, no, no. You need your veggies. Come on, finish your peas, come on, finish.
Like, I'm pushing the veggies. Yeah. And then, but part of me is also like, I don't wanna create something where he feels like he has to finish what's in front of him. So it's just, Try not. And it depends on the's
Surabhi: personality, because I'm my personality, if I was told what to do, I would do the opposite, so, oh yeah, yeah.
I, I told my parents, I'm like, didn't you figure that out? You should have told me never eat veggies and I would've finished it all. And so I use reverse psychology a lot. I know this sounds terrible, but with my, with my daughter, it works really well cuz she's like that if you tell her to do something she will not do it.
Whereas my son, you can tell him or not tell him, he will only eat what he wants, not a drop more. So sometimes he'll be chewing food and [00:21:38] spit it out cuz he's full. I've never seen a I I'm like, what is why? I'm like, can't you just finish that extra bite? Yeah. But like he, he's like, no, I'm full. I'm not touching one drop more.
Sarah: How interesting.
Surabhi: It's so fascinating because my daughter will just eat and eat and eat and eat, even if she's full, just cuz she wants to hang out and she wants to stay up late. And so it's just like, yeah, it's respecting that they will, nope, no kid's gonna starve themselves. And if they start to feel icky and constipated.
I like that happened with one of my kids and I'm like, remember you haven't eaten veggies in a long time. That's why we eat good veggies. That's a good way of, uh, saying, and they need to learn that in their bodies cuz it's gonna happen a few times. They're gonna feel icky, constipated, stomach's gonna hurt.
And then I'm like, well, This is what
Sarah: happens, or this is you didn't drink enough water. This is why you're really hungry. Cuz you didn't eat last while
Surabhi: you didn't have any protein. You're just having like, you know. And so I try to make it more educational without putting that pressure. But I know it is hard.
Uh, I, I, because I was always told to eat more, eat more. I really try not to do that to my [00:22:38] kids. Cause I know how. Um, it was really hard. It was really hard
Body Image
Sarah: growing up that, and there were always comments about our weight. And girl, you know, girls, it's like, watch what you're eating. Watch what this, when I, I got into strength training in my early twenties and I drove my parents nuts.
So like, you're turning into a man, you're this, that, cause I was, and I'm doing like 15, 10 pounds. Like, it's not, like, not like, it's not a pro, it's not like a CrossFit workout, like, which is. Which is still great. Yeah. Yeah. It was a very humble, like basic, a lot of body weight and they were freaking out like they were having like, don't do that because it's just seen as if you do this, it's a dichotomy.
You'll become super muscular and bulky and if you do that, you'll be feminine. And it's like, no, it's not like that. And women, there's no one definition. More than men, even because of menopause. We need to, we need, we need to build bone, we need to strike, we do need fat. Like I, I feel like women do need hormonal profiles.
Different. We need more fat in our bodies than men. We do. But, but like, so, so don't demonize like, uh, like don't, you don't have to have a flat stomach cuz you need, you need fat. And [00:23:38] if you have a flat stomach, you're not gonna have boobs. So there's always a trade off. Like it's just
Surabhi: likes.
Body Changes after Pregnancy
Surabhi: So true. Listen, that was me.
I was, uh, stomach,
flat, chest.
I still have a small chest, but you know what, yeah. I think part of it is recognizing that all of these things that have been sexualized about our bodies were determined by men. Yes. It's a men's perspective. Yes. Of what they find sexual. Why don't we determine for ourselves what we like about our bodies and why?
Yeah. You know, it's, it's, it's a very different, even clothing, how it's made, it's made for men by men, for women, but by them. So, you know, even just identifying like, yeah. What we actually like about our bodies and what Yeah. Or, you know, being more neutral about it
Sarah: is, is and that people shouldn't feel bad because honestly, just from weight training, clothes aren't designed, I find for, they're not for people who arms, my
arms don't fit into all my old
shirts.
Exactly. They, and, but meanwhile my sorrys all fit. But like, even my shoe size change, like none of my, I had to get rid of all my shoes. I'm an extra half size [00:24:38] than I was before. I'm a half size figure too. Yeah. And, and it was sad cuz I had a lot of nice shoes, but I know, I mean, it's like your body changes and the.
It's if the
clothes don't fit, it's the issue's. Not you, it's the clothes. So like it's clothes, it's the clothes. Like, like, and it, and there's a lot. Clothes are made for a very fictional, like a lot of. Clothes is made for a very fictitional, idolized body type that doesn't fit most people, and it's fine. It's like, okay, like, it's like, who cares?
Just, I'm like, think about
Surabhi: men. If clothes didn't fit them, you think they'd be squeezing into like the average man would not. They'd be like, ah, I, I need new clothes. Right? There's not that psychological like, oh, I'm not adequate enough if I can't fit into size, just the
Sarah: pockets or whatever. Just the pockets and the thickness of the material and the men stuff, it seems so much higher quality than the women's and like, Why does none of my clothes have pockets?
I want pockets. I want somewhere to put my phone, like actually fits my entire phone. Yeah, yeah. No, that doesn't fit my phone. And then, and then it's like, of course my phone's gonna fall more often than my husband because he has like clothes that allow for phone, but we're not allowed to look bulk, so we don't get pockets.
It's just so frustrating. But [00:25:38] that's like, that's an aside, but it just, that's, yeah. Shouldn't feel bad.
Surabhi: Okay, so I have, I have a question for you in your pullups, cuz I, so for those of you, Sarah sent me this video, we were talking about pullups and uh, you know, when I had my two kids, I'd be at the park lot.
So I'd be training for like, you know, I'd be doing my scapular pullups and I'd be training a lot more from the monkey bars. And then Sarah was talking about how she loves doing pull-ups and she sent me this video of her just pumping out. Like 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 puffs, and I was like, this is amazing. So tell me about your training for pull ups and how you
made that happen.
Sarah: So before it's, this is interesting, but before my son was born, I could do a few but not 10, not anywhere near 10. And it wasn't like, I didn't, I didn't intentionally train for them, so it was like one, maybe two, and it was shaking. The form was like bad, but it doesn't matter. Like I got over the bar. So, got it.
Was happy. Yeah. Yeah, I got it. Um, and then after I had my kid, my circumstances changed. I used to go to the gym very regularly and then it was [00:26:38] impossible to go. Once he was born, I have no, we had no family in Toronto. It was just me and my husband. Mm-hmm. My husband worked long hours before the pandemic.
He'd be home at 8:00 PM so where would be the time to go to the gym? And then my son didn't sleep and we're co-sleeping. I'd be in bed with him and be like, like it was like I couldn't do detach from from that. And my husband is super supportive. Partner in that he does all the cooking. Um, I have some strengths, but they're not household management and it's, I think it's common women with a D H D, they, they don't fit the role of the ideal parents who sometimes you feel like a failure, but it's like, okay, no, no.
I'm spontaneous, I'm creative. I can come up with things in a fly. That's my strength. It's not. Cooking and cleaning, which is essential. I admire that job, but it's just, I, just because I'm a woman, it doesn't mean I'm better at it. So my husband does that. So I had the support, but it was impossible, like to go to the gym and before I had my kid, I was like, no matter what, I'm always gonna go to the gym.
And I couldn't go to the gym. It was impossible. It wasn't practical, not practic, practic. So I had to change my, my mix up of what I did. [00:27:38] So I did a lot of like, those postpartum baby classes to start was great to socialize. It was great for mental health. But then eventually I was like, my goals are are now I wanna do like, My, um, quote unquote like heavy goals regular because I was doing things without weights.
I was doing things like, and I was kind of like, I wanna go back to what I did before, but I can't, cuz I have different tools. So I didn't have like all the dumbbells, I didn't have, I had kettlebells, but it would've been. Upper body, like I wouldn't have been able to hold up the, the 35, the, the, the 20 kilograms.
Like it wasn't just too heavy. Too heavy. Yeah. It was too heavy for my, so I was thinking, what can I do for my upper body? So I started doing pushups, I did a lot of calisthenics. I, and then what was really sustainable was I could only work out with my kid cuz it was impossible, like the kid. Barely slept.
My kid happened to not nap. Um, he was one of those, sounds like my first on me all the time. And so the only way I was gonna work out was if I did it with him while he was awake in the.
Working Out at Home
Sarah: In the postpartum classes I did, we did a lot of [00:28:38] workouts with the baby, which was great. But after some point I'm like, I wanna go back to my regular workouts.
Yeah, yeah. So I kind of made up a different type of workout I would do whenever I was in the playground with him. So I learned how to do, um, pistols, which I didn't know how to do before my pre, because before I lift heavy, but now I didn't have access to that. So I trained to do pistols on my couch. So like pistols are one-legged squats.
So I started like this, like I'm standing one leg and I'd sit on my chair and then I'd. Slowly lowered the surface. And I used garbage cans, I used whatever. And eventually I got to doing a full pistol. Amazing. And I had a routine. Um, I do everything like that. So my, I am not, uh, my background is not athletic and it annoyed people when I worked in healthcare in the clinic, cuz I would tell patients that came in, oh, you don't exercise.
You only need to exercise one day a week. And everyone in the clinic, they have kinesiology background. They have, they're be fuming. Like, what are you talking about? You have to do 150 of moderate exercise. I'm like, I know the recommendations. But I'm an non-athlete and I know what it's like to be an non-athlete, and if you tell them one day a [00:29:38] week, it's way more sustainable and from zero to one is way more progress, and I was able to maintain my ability to do pullups and pushups working out at periods of my life where I could only do it once a week, and I started once a week.
Surabhi: That is what you just said. Literally what I tell my patients, I'm like, they're like, oh, I don't work out at all. I'm like, okay, what's your goal three, four times a week? I'm like, okay, let's start with one. Yeah. Yeah. In the past year and a half, I have worked out one day a week on average.
Sarah: Yeah, life happens.
Especi. Especi enough, especially as a mom. Yeah. And what I hate is when I, if I posted a video on Facebook work, yeah. I get a mom, a lot of moms be like, oh, I feel guilty. I don't work. I'm like, don't feel guilty. It's not about you feeling guilty. Yeah. It's not sustainable. It's like there isn't like I. Am being, you know, depending on how you define it.
I am being selfish when I work out because sometimes my son would rather I do other things, but I need to, for my mental health if I'm gonna be there for him. Yes, it's my non-negotiable, but I do it in a way that's sustainable for both of us. So I don't have the luxury of childcare. No, I don't mean luxury.
I don't [00:30:38] ha I just don't have access to childcare and gym. So I made a lot of kinesthetic. Like, um, things in the park. Love. So I did my love, love it. I started with scapular. I built like, cuz you can go. I, I I kind of made my progression. , Megan Calloway has a, Calloway has her pushup. Yes. Yes.
Yeah. And I, I followed her pullup program to learn how to do pullups. And a lot of it is, At home, like I'm, I'm all for at home training. If you're a new mom, actually for everyone. If you're not like into the huge barbells, you can do everything at home. And for health you need, I work out at home. You need, you don't need more.
And I have a lot of like guys that are like, no, no, you need the gym. Like absolutely not. Like you do not need a gym. Gyms are great if you have access to it. Yes, progressive overload. Yes, you wanna lift more, but there's other ways to challenge yourself. You can do body weight, but like, Slow down the pace.
You can slow down the timing, the, there's so many other ways to add resistance. Yeah. Other than giant weights. So like I did, most of it was body weight and I was able to get from not being able to do, cuz after you have your baby, you will, even if you were active, you're gonna lose your [00:31:38] ability to pushups entirely.
You're gonna lose the ability you have to kind of restart work back at it. Yeah. Humbling. And it's easier for me than my friends who are athletes, like my friends who are competitive athletes had a rougher time being like, oh, I can't do what I did before. Yeah.
Surabhi: Cause it's a psychological like, What, like my identity shifted if I can't do all these things.
Sarah: So for me, I'm a non-athlete. I hated the gym in high school. I didn't do any sports and unfortunately, a lot of immigrant parents or girls don't get enrolled in sports. And that's something I hope will change, but they mean well. But it's like our, you know, in our, in our community, like, well we don't you to get, um, I mean a lot of Egyptian girls did do soccer, so I don't wanna say it's.
Universal, but like with my parents, like, we don't want you to get scarred. We don't want you to be outside too much. We don't want you to your girl. And it would've been different for boys, but for girls, it's like, you know, they're a bit overprotective. And when I started resistance training, they were not happy and they thought it would be terrible.
But now my mom's like, Wow, you look great. And I'm like, I, I feel great. I don't do it for looks personally. Yeah. But I feel amazing. I feel better than I did in my twenties, in my thirties. I feel better than I did in my [00:32:38] twenties. Yeah. I feel, yeah. I get injured way less. I feel amazing. I have people that are younger than me in their twenties.
Well, I'm constant pain. I'm like, why? You shouldn't be in constant pain. And again, I, I know like people have. Chronic pain. I'm privileged not to have chronic pain. You shouldn't shame yourself if you, if you have chronic pain, it's how can you, how you exercise. It's a different story, so there's no judgment.
But for me, I'm like, can't you do something about it? Like, if you're in constant pain, you're so young, you're so young, you're a baby. Why is it feel, why? Why does everything hurt? Like I know. Can you check it out? Go see a physio. I saw a physio just for like, cuz I carried my baby all the time up until two years.
And the carrier constantly, cuz he hates. Did the stroller. And Toronto unfortunately does not clear the snow, so it's not very accessible, like they do a terrible job. So I couldn't navigate the snow bank. So I quickly realized if I'm gonna be car free in Toronto, I need a carrier. So I got the carrier and again, that, that that's what I did.
But I went to a physio and I said, I don't want back pain, so can you show me how I should wear the baby in the ideal position? And they sort of went over things and they told me, you know, to have the baby [00:33:38] facing inwards, not outwards, that puts more pressure and it's also. On the baby as well. On on Baby's hips.
Yeah. Yes, yes. So they explained that to me and I followed their advice and it was like preventative physiotherapy and it was great. Like, like so if you have pain, go see someone. You don't have to suffer. Like women especially shouldn't suffer. I feel like a lot of them accept. Just accept it. I'm like, you shouldn't be in constant pain and I hope.
They can find a solution. Sometimes the healthcare professionals don't know, but less, and
Surabhi: sometimes you have to see a couple different ones to attack, like, oh, mental health aspect or you know, nutritional aspect. And sometimes it is a team approach. But yeah, what you just said there is, I think it comes, it stems from a lack of self worth or feeling like you are worth taking care of.
Yes. And your needs are worth attending to because I know in Indian culture it goes from you serving your husband to then you serving your kids. You're like nowhere in that do you ever serve yourself? And I always say you, you have to serve yourself, like you just said, you have to take that time for yourself, for your own mental health cuz you feel better.[00:34:38]
I have to do these things for myself, otherwise I can't show up for anybody else. And I'm the Sarahe. I husband does the cooking and cleaning and I've often wondered if I have a d h, ADHD because I relate to a lot of women with adhd and I'm like, yeah, up lot
Sarah: like me.
Gender Expectations
Sarah: Well, there's also a lot of gender expectations that.
Pressure is there's
Surabhi: that too. Right? And I think that we assume that the women are, um, gonna be the ones with the strengths in cooking and cleaning and organizing their kids' lives. And that, but that's not my strengths, you know? And I think it's okay to recognize that. Um, tell me about your strengths, cuz I know you love art and creativity.
Mm-hmm. And tell me about what you really love doing.
Sarah: So I love art, but during, like I've done been doing port baby portraits, um, sometimes, but ever since my son's born, I haven't done my own personal art. It's been a pause and I used to be sad and I went to, I kind of. Instagram's one of my favorite comic artists.
I said, are you still an artist if you don't draw? And she's [00:35:38] like, no, life has different seasons and sometimes you take a hiatus, but it doesn't make you any less of an artist. So I wanna put that out there for any moms that are struggling. Thank you. To get to do their own things and you'll get there.
It's just sometimes the kids will get more independent, they'll be a little more, but like right now, it's like you're not gonna get your eight hours or seven hours of sleep. You're not, there's certain things that are impossible, and that's okay. Like don't be hard on yourself. So I do my cars every morning.
I do some stretches every morning no matter what. When I wake up, I don't check my phone first. I do my cars and I do some stretches And, um, cuz I, having worked with some elderly populations, I feel like the joint mobility goes before the muscles. Yeah. So I, that's why I prioritize doing cars in the morning.
And joint health cars means rotations with your joints for people that aren't physio or, or that are not in that space. Movement professionals. Yes. Yes, exactly. So I do that, I do some stretches and I am like, I live, I don't drive. So I moved to Ottawa. It's not as, it's not [00:36:38] friendly, like, like transit friendly, like Toronto.
Yeah. It's really not. I lived in Ottawa briefly too. I walk to work and people are shocked, like, how can you walk to work? That's impossible. And I'm like, no, I do it. I have the gear, I wear layers. I, I toughen it. Uh, and I, and I get my exercise. So I get a lot of time, but I'm often late in the morning. So if I didn't do the cars and the stretches, like you should stretch before you run.
Don't just run, but I end up jogging. But because I do the cars, I feel like I have never gotten injured. So I feel like at least been done. You have a bit of warmup? Yeah, I have a bit of warmup. Ideally you would structure and do more warmup, but for me it's more like, oh no, I left 15 minutes and I should have, I better hurry.
And so like, uh, but at least I'm getting my heart rate up. So that's great. So I do that every day. Um, and that's another, um, I will say it's, it's good for my mental health because I have time alone from the kid. It, it's an extra like, yes, it would've taken only 10 minutes if I'd driven it. We only have one car and we're downtown.
So if I'd driven, it would only take 10 minutes. When I walk it, it takes like, Between 30 and 40 minutes. Mm-hmm. But it's great for my mental health. It's time [00:37:38] for me. And it's like time for you. Yeah. But it is a self-care living without the car. And I'm, I'm making, I make it a challenge cuz it's like people are, you can't do that.
I'm like, watch me And I'm working a job where it's a shift work, so, oh, it will be challenging cuz I'll have odd hours and it'll be at the night and Ottawa needs to be, it's not well lit. So there's things that I'll have to figure out and navigate, but I've been like pretty stubborn. I'm like, I can do it.
And people are like, yeah, but what about minus 20? I'm like, I'll wear more layers. I have my boots.
Surabhi: You know, Ottawa has some of the most hardcore people cuz there would be people who cycling in the middle of winter. They've got their layers, their bikes, and like running in the middle of the winter. So I do think you can do it if you are well prepared.
Yes. I, I saw people wearing ski goggles. Yes. And the windy cold days with the snow. And I'm like, that's really smart, because how else are you gonna see, you know? Yeah. Uh, I don't know about you with your glasses, like if it gets covered in snow and wet, like how do you see?
Sarah: Right. Well, what I do is I always have a hat with a visor and it kind of covers it a bit so that I can see I never go out without, because even when it's raining, I wear a baseball cap because [00:38:38] I need to have my glasses vision clear.
So, so I come up like, I come up with my own solutions and I'll, I'll. I take it one day at a time and figure it out. I'm not saying like I'll never, ever, you know, not walk, but also if public transit was better, I would've taken it. But public transit, it's not great in Ottawa. It's not. No. So I have to walk it, but yeah.
But I've, I've been enjoying it. Um, other things I do for myself is of course, pull-ups and working out. And when I started, I. I did everything in the park with my son in the park, so I wanna tell people if they wanna get started. You don't need fancy weights, you don't need fancy equipment. You don't need, don't listen to people that say you can only do it if it's perfect.
Half ass. Your workout divide up. Look, I was following Megan's program and she has like four days a week. I did two, sometimes one. And I still got to being able to do pull-ups, consistency over perfection. Just be consistent if you can. And if you can't it's fine. Like, , sometimes I'll do only pushups, like it's fine.
But yeah, I found that and I used to be embarrassed, like, what will other moms think? Cuz my son will be playing and I'll run up, go to the monkey bars, do my training, [00:39:38] come back to him one up, and sometimes he's like whining, like he wants me to just play with him, but I figure like he's learning a bit of independence.
I'm doing, it's like one of those trade offs where I'm getting what I need. He learned with time and now he. Kind of exercises with me, but he'll do, like, I'm gonna do, like when I do my stretches in the morning, he goes, I'm gonna do baby yoga. And he just lies in front of me, so I can't do what I was trying to do.
But again, it's like great, like it's great,
Surabhi: whatever. But, and I think that I, I used to be a little bit embarrassed too, because I was always the only mom working out, doing my squats, doing my, you know, hangs and. I would be doing all sorts. I'd be practicing my balance and single leg squats and pushups against Amazing.
And I don't care what other people think because No, I sitting there on their phones and I'm not
Sarah: judging cuz I've done that many times that. No, no. And that's what I was thinking, like would it be better if I'm on my phone? It's fine on your phone. But like, I mean that's why playgrounds exist. It's a space for the parents and the kids playing to play.
So like I told myself, well, would, like, would I be, are my, are parents judging me? Would they judge me if I'm on the phone on the couch in, in the bench? No. So why would they judge [00:40:38] me if I'm on the monkey Monkey bars? They don't care. No. And I've never had anyone judge me. I had one kid be like, no, the playground's only for kids.
And I'm like, I'm a big kid and I'm, I'm with my kid, whatever. And that's why I get mad when, like in Toronto I saw a few signs that were like, this is only for kids. And I'm like, no, we
Surabhi: do wait. Five to age, ages five to 12. And I'm like, screw that. I'm the size of some 12 year old, so I'm gonna
Sarah: say I can see use too.
Yeah. And I'm, I don't, we do way too much age segregation. I said that's why I didn't know anything about babies cuz I hadn't been exposed to babies. And I'll tell you a beautiful story. My sister went to a book opening for an indigenous author and he was reading his, like, their, their, it's an professor and a student, uh, and their student.
And it's a book about. Um, residential schools, and actually, I sh I didn't read the book so I shouldn't tell you like about the book, but, um, it was like beautiful. Like there's, you know, they're introducing their book. They're having a book launch at an independent local bookstore, and there was a baby crying in the room.
And the mom, you know, you know, you kind of panic and you don't wanna be dis disruptive. And then as soon as she was at, she tried, like, soothing and [00:41:38] bopping and it didn't work. And so she was heading for the door and the, and the speaker said, no, excuse me ma'am, don't leave, please. Our community was denied.
Thanks to residential schools, they were denied that the sound of babies crying. So I want you to stay. Wow. And I thought like how empowering cuz moms feel ashamed about breastfeeding or doing anything in public with their babies. And here we have very much, this is a kid space, this is an adult space.
These are daycares. Yeah. And if you don't have a daycare, it's like, where are you supposed to go? Yeah. And so I was so like, yes, bring your kid. That's a beautiful story. And we, that's how we've always existed. And it's only like now we are like, Now it's like, oh yeah, kids don't exist. What? Like no, they, they
exist.
Surabhi: They try to separate everything. Like kids are here and
Sarah: adults are here and Yeah, just like people are like, well, how can you live in an apartment with a kid? Cuz we live downtown in Ottawa. We value being in a walkable neighborhood over Sarahe, uh, card. Card depends. And I have, do, do you, what works for you?
I think if there's a lot of privilege. For me, like I would never tell someone and advise 'em live, walk everywhere. I'm like, no, I can only do it because I live where I [00:42:38] live and it means higher, higher rent. So, and it means we'll never own probably. But like, so I'm not saying that's, I'm not, I wish I, I'm saying I wish this was an option for more people and it's not an option for people because it's, it's unnatural to need to go out and exercise.
It should be built into your life. Yes. So I feel bad people don't have that, that opportunity. And that's why we should never shame people for not exercising. Cuz there's a privileged component. Like I live in a walk, it's a system.
Surabhi: Yes. I think it's, it's, it's more, it's, uh, I think we often blame individuals when it's the system that doesn't allow.
Even in the hospital, what you said earlier, like it's the system that doesn't allow for doctors to spend that time. Mm-hmm. Because they're rushed and rushed and, and that's the
Sarah: culture of medicine. And it must be hard on them when they have to bill like a bazillion, like, I feel bad for them. I'm, I'm not blaming anyone.
It's just, it's too bad that that's the system and it's too bad. And I think in the end,
Surabhi: our systems aren't, Built for walking and for, yeah, cycling safely. Mm-hmm. Ottawa is way better than Toronto, but Toronto and neighborhoods do.
Mm-hmm. But we drive, we can walk and. [00:43:38] Walked to like five parks in our neighborhood. That's wonderful. And that's a privilege. And yeah, I don't live in a big house with a big backyard, but I'm like, I, that's never been my value system. I don't wanna clean all that. And I man manage all that. I'm happy
living here.
Podcasts
Surabhi: Sarah, I have some final thoughts and I have some questions about you. Sure. And I wanna know, um, what book or podcast. You listen to or read that has been kind of life-changing for
Sarah: you. Um, there's quite a few. Um, if in in the line of indigenous, there's an indigenous podcast called All My Relations.
Highly recommend you'll learn about colonialism, racism, you'll learn about all sorts of institutional issues and yeah, and it's really like loving podcasts cuz there's a lot about celebrating female empowerment, the body love, like it's, I highly recommend that podcast and I've learned a lot about indigenous issues.
Through the podcast. Um, another one is 99% Invisible. That's a design podcast. So that's also really, um, thoughtful and I've learned a lot about urban planning through that podcast [00:44:38] as well. Cool. And, um, Canada Land, cuz I live in Canada, but people outside of Canada might not be interested. Um, I like, I like Canada Land and Planet money.
Those are more mainstream, but like as well, like, so there's a lot of podcasts I never have. Time for them, but like, um, I really enjoy them when I do. It's like something I savor. Nice.
Surabhi: Nice.
Self Care
Surabhi: And tell me three things you like to do for yourself every day for self-care or rituals you like to do.
Sarah: Cars, pull-ups and um, um hmm.
I say this is funny, it's like, what's the third one? Um, what makes you feel like,
Surabhi: oh, it's a good day cuz I did this. Or I drank this cup of coffee or whatever is your thing.
Sarah: I think it's just being, doing the movement, not not even talking about exercise, but just doing the movement. Intentional your, your walks and stuff.
Yeah, exactly. I love that.
Surabhi: And what's something that you're really passionate about right now? [00:45:38]
Sarah: Um, always art. Of course. I'm passionate about learning cuz I'm trying to have a more open mind and just be exposed to more ideas. I'm passionate about my new field. Um, I was very total vision in my old field and the pandemic derailed everything.
Like a lot of women I'm sure can relate. So I've. Starting a new job as a fingerprint examiner and just learning about it. That's so cool. A new world. Like it's, I'm very privileged and I'm restarting like, it's like a completely like entry level, but it's like, um, it makes me feel younger cuz it's like, oh yeah.
Neat. Yeah. Like you can reinvent yourself. So if any woman feels like they're stuck. In their careers. There's always other opportunities you've never even dreamed of out there. So don't be afraid. Don't feel like you have to do what people expect you to do. It's, you can always change your course and your, you know, and
Surabhi: that's, and I think that's the benefit of coming from an immigrant family too.
Like I am an immigrant myself, but. I've seen my parents, they moved here when they were 40 and 45, and I, that's why I don't feel the Sarahe [00:46:38] pressure to have it all figured out and have this one job I do forever, because I'm like, you know what? They came here, they moved across the world. They, they, they still are working, but they're, they worked hard and they didn't let that limit them, you know?
Mm-hmm. That, oh, I can't learn anything new because I'm old now.
Sarah: You can go back to school, could go back to, need to, you can try something new, whatever it is. Um, it's okay. Its never too late.
Surabhi: I love that.
Connect with Sarah
Surabhi: I wanna take a look at your art. So where can people find your, you and your art and. Connect.
Sarah: So, um, I can probably, Instagram's the easiest way to reach me.
It could be, say Sarah with an H, now say Sarah now is one word. And then I have another Instagram account called Draw Demic. So either of those you'll be able to reach me and you could send me dms.
Surabhi: Uh, if you could change it, one thing about the world, what would it be?
Sarah: Um, I would want that we give people opportunities and recognize our privilege because there's a lot of talented people that are never given a shot.
And [00:47:38] just recognizing like, um, people that are successful, especially celebrities, are guilty of this, where they're like, I've always worked. And it's like, okay, well having a baby is work. You have a nanny, you have other structural things. So what are the barriers, like language barriers, pronunciation barriers, presentation barriers?
Structural rate barriers, if we address that, we'll celebrate more talent. Yeah. And also just not defining people by their jobs. Yeah. Like you are a full person and you are not like, you're not. Um, I felt out of place in Toronto cause everyone's talking about their daycares and daycare did not work out for my son and he was kind of kicked out and I felt a lot of shame about that.
But there's no shame. Like everyone's different. Everyone has their path. So just be. It's okay. Like, like life is not a sprint. Mm. And just take your time. And things like sometimes they fall into place, sometimes they don't. But it's this part of the human story and it's okay.
Surabhi: And you don't have to do things the Sarahe exact way as everybody
Sarah: else.
No, no, no. Honor. Mainstream culture. And honor. Honor what you've been through. Honor the and just. [00:48:38] Like, be open-minded to the experiences of other people that not everyone has those opportunities. And just like, not, don't make assumptions. Like I remember telling people I really wanted to go abroad as a like, like, uh, just like as an experience.
And then people from like, Non-ethnic about they're white. They're like, who? You should've just done it. I'm like, no. My parents had expectations and it was really difficult.
Surabhi: I know it's not just easy. If it was, I would've done it.
Sarah: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, so it's just, again, understanding that people have different realities and um, that just being.
Mindful of that. Mindful of,
Surabhi: yeah. And I, I also love the point that you brought about if you recognize people for their talent, you can also celebrate them. And so many people don't get recognized or found, you know, discovered or whatnot because they don't have the privilege of being discovered and because they don't look like the right fit or they're not.
Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, a cis white male, you know, it's. There's a lot of barriers for people and if we can remove some of that, we can really, everyone benefits they benefit.
Sarah: Yes. And everybody benefits and, uh, yes, [00:49:38] definitely. That's, that's amazing.
Sarah's Mom Strength
Surabhi: And last question for you, Sarah. What would you say is your mom's strength?
Sarah: Um, My mom's strength is creativity. So where I lack in structure and routine, which is also very good for parenting. I am creative and spontaneous. So my son asked for a bus, Christmas tree. I can make that happen because I have the gears go in my head. I'm unconventional, I can make things, uh, so I have imagination.
So I would say that's my strength is imagination and creativity.
Surabhi: Your, your kiddo is so lucky to have you, and I'm so grateful that you spend this time with me and. The audience, I'm sure is loving, you know, listening to you as well. Thank you so much, Sarah. For anyone who's listening who found this episode helpful, maybe you know, somebody who's pregnant or who also had a precipitous labor who would benefit from, you know, hearing this conversation and feeling like, ugh, I feel like my.
My feelings are finally heard or seen. Please share this episode with them. Uh, if you know anyone who's a new mom and who is struggling with that diet, culture and comparison [00:50:38] and struggling to get back to exercise, share this episode. And if you know anyone who just wants to hear Sarah speak and hear this amazing story that she shared, please do share this with them.
Thank you so much, Sarah and to all my audience. Thank you for listening. Thank you.
