66. Yoga, Mindful and Conscious Parenting with Aarti Inamdar (Part 2)
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The conversation continues in part two, where Surabhi Veitch and Aarti Inamdar, classical hatha yoga teacher, discuss the hierarchy in modern day yoga and how Aarti disrupts and challenges the status quo within the yoga space. Make sure you caught Part 1 of this conversation HERE.
We discuss:
Parenting & Yoga
Responsibility of Teachers
The Hierarchy in Yoga
Fighting Against Cultural Appropriation & Colonization
Disability & Yoga
Importance of Pelvic Physiotherapy
Prioritizing Mental & Physical Health as a Parent
Hindu Stages of Life
Identity Shift as a New Parent
Self Care
Serving Humanity
The Comfort Book
Changing Hearts & Minds of Political Leaders
Aarti Inamdar Bio
Aarti, is a student and teacher of classical hatha yoga, trained by her elders and lineage teachers. Aarti shares the teachings of yoga as sacred ancestral wisdom traditions, and has been a guide and coach for over 15 years. She lives the teachings of yoga and enjoys sharing yoga as a way of life with her students. She teaches online yoga, meditation, and philosophy classes and courses; she runs corporate wellness sessions and retreats; and mentors individuals one on one to support them in their healing, wellness and health journeys. Her goals are to facilitate authentic wellbeing, mobility, and focus in her students using the tools that yoga provides.
Connect with Aarti & Important Links:
—Follow Aarti on Instagram @aarti.inamdar or Facebook: Yoga with Aarti
—Website & Classes: https://www.aartiyoga.com/
—Hatha Yoga 6-month Immersion: https://www.aartiyoga.com/immersion
—Newsletter: https://www.aartiyoga.com/subscribe
Connect with Surabhi:
Website: https://www.thepassionatephysio.ca
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Surabhi: [00:01:27]
Parenting & Yoga
Surabhi: Yoga is not about, if you want the benefits of yoga, you can't just focus on the one hour that you're practicing because that's the problem with western yoga and the physicality aspect of it as a workout. Then you're like, yeah, got my workout in checkbox.
I've done yoga. I should feel better mentally all day. Right? That's not true. Cause if you're not practicing the mental and the spiritual and this heart, Mind body connection. You can't then extrapolate those learnings that you've had to the rest of your day. And I think this is why yoga and parenting tie so well together.
When you're not just doing asana, you're not just stretching and strengthening and doing warrior poses. Mm-hmm. Because when you're truly embodied within yourself, when you're connected to yourself, you can then use that same connection as a parent, when I wanna yell and scream at my children, I can be like, okay, what is this Ashley about?
You know, taking that second to pause, whether it's to breathe, just be more self-aware. And I find that that's what returning to yoga the past few years [00:02:27] has done for me. It's helped me be a better parent. Just, I'm not saying like it's all about self-help and self-growth, but I do wanna be a better parent for my kids.
I wanna show up.
Aarti: Well, it's about awareness. You're, you're describing awareness, so you're describing the moment. Before something happens, the moment before that nervous system starts to activate too much or that moment before dysregulation within yourself. And then when you notice that within yourself through the awareness that you're building through your yoga practice, you can pass that teaching on to your kids as experiential wisdom rather than do this because I told you so.
So they're watching you. Okay. Mommy's rising. Mm. Mommy's taking a moment to regulate herself. Mommy's speaking to me. Now I can do those things too. So when mommy tells me to take a deep breath before I would do whatever, I understand that in a different way because it's coming from experience. I've seen it,
Surabhi: I've [00:03:27] seen it.
I've seen it happen too. Right. And I think, so many of us grew up at a time where our parents didn't necessarily practice that. You know, I know for my parents, Probably in India they would've, but when we moved to Canada, life threw so much at them and their capacity to be present for us diminished because they were constantly working and facing racism and poverty and all these things.
And so sometimes we forget that that wisdom, those wasn't practiced in our homes is still passed down our lineage and passed down our cultures and. We can access it at any time. You know, sometimes I felt, I felt guilty for a long time cuz I'm like, oh wow, I haven't really practiced, I haven't really been practicing my culture for so long.
And I'm like, I always have been. Just, it's been, it's always lived within me, you know? But now I'm more connected to it, which feels really nice.
Aarti: Well, it's, it's a, I've heard you talk about this process of reconnecting and that mom guilt that we feel. [00:04:27] It's been similar for me as well. That okay. Uh, you know, we both have biracial kids, so a lot of that responsibility of passing cultural norms falls on us.
Is on us. Yeah. And so then it's a little bit, you know, there's some layers of, of stress and guilt and worry when our kids watch us relearning and reclaiming, it's a very powerful thing for them to witness us reclaiming our culture. There's a power in that. That's so different than if we just casually passed it on because we just had it.
Yes.
Surabhi: It was always, yes. And I think, um, I'm relearning Hindi, for example. I am, I just started back dancing in like last fall and I, my kids see me make mistakes. They see me be a beginner and they see me having no ego about it. And the other day, yesterday actually, they have a end of year concert at their school and.
Before, I [00:05:27] had a dance performance last two weekends ago, and my daughter drew me a little sticky note with like me dancing on stage with the lights shining on me. So I kept that with me on my phone and I'm just like, this is such a beautiful reminder of how she sees me.
Aarti: Yes. And so she's proud of you.
Surabhi: I know.
And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I feel like, you know, we always wanna make our parents proud, but I really just wanna make my kids proud too, you know? Yeah. And so before their concert I had said like, oh, I'll draw you something. Or I, I bought her this like, cute little strawberry bracelet or, you know, cuz sometimes the kids will get nervous too, and they don't know until they've like gotten there.
And so just to show that like, we all sometimes get nervous or like are, are a little scared of change, but it's okay. And she said something like, Oh, she said like, oh, I got a sticker today. Cuz I danced really well cuz you know how teachers are sometimes all about how perfect you are and how you know, how well you listen.
And I said, well you know why mommy dances because it brings me joy. I'm like, I didn't get any [00:06:27] stickers for my performance. Cuz she's like, why? I'm like, I just, I'm an adult and sometimes we don't get stickers and it's not bad that you got stickers, but I'm like, why do you dance? Is it to get the stickers and the praise?
Or is it cuz you love it? And she said, because I love it. And I said, that's what's truly important. Sometimes we teach our kids that they, you know, because they get stickers or treats or toys, then they learn that, oh, I'm doing this for that external, uh, validation, praise stickers. And I'm like, I want her to learn that
both my kids to learn that they're doing this cuz they love it or because it's hard for them and they're growing with this practice. Um, and that's the thing, same thing with yoga. That's been one of the things that I feel, social media, I'm on very active on social media and I was talking to a friend who was white and she is a yoga teacher and she was like, oh, how come you don't share more about your yoga practice?
And I'm like, because it's mine. It's not, it's not for. Yeah, public display. [00:07:27] Not everything is for public display, and sometimes it's just for personal for myself, and I think that's the problem with people going to classes and then posting selfies. I just did hot yoga, sweaty selfie. I'm like, are you doing that for that validation or are you truly doing that because.
You've gained something from it and maybe it's both. I'm not here to like Yeah. Poo on anyone who posts stuff, cuz I know I do a lot. But it's just understanding like, what, what is it for? Is it because it brings you peace and wellbeing or is it because you wanna be somebody who does yoga? Mm-hmm. And put it in your bio.
Right.
Responsibility of Teachers
Aarti: Right. Yeah. There, there is a lot of, of that out there and, and then that's where some of the responsibility lies on the shoulders of the people who are training teachers and the teachers themselves who must put some time, effort, and [00:08:27] energy into educating themselves, uh, about the breadth of these practices and why it's very important for all of us as teachers and as teacher trainers.
To be in a student mind we're we haven't accomplished some great thing, you know, we're not done. We, yeah, I'm phrasing that wrong. Yes. Maybe we've accom, maybe it's great to have your certification. I agree. It was a fabulous thing when I got mine too. But we're not done. You don't finish. You are a lifelong student and your teacher, your students will get a lot more out of your teachings if you put yourself in that.
Beginner's mind space. If you put yourself in that student space and you're always trying to learn and in increase your wisdom, your experiential wisdom of these, of these teachings so that you can pass it on with a little more sort of, with landing in what I like to call my knowing space. So when you speak from that place of knowing, [00:09:27] it lands in a much more meaningful and powerful way.
And for information, for knowledge to land in that knowing space, you have to do the thing. It's one thing for me to open up, but angels, yoga sutra, and say, we need to practice ahimsa. We need to practice Satya. We need to practice bar. We need to practice aste. We need to practice these things. This is what it means.
These are the definitions. Here are the eight limbs of yoga, blah, blah, blah. And it's quite another for me to sit with those Yama Yema and sit with Asana and practice those things and have it land somewhere deep within me so that then I can try and I'm, it's trying, try to teach that wisdom from an experiential space.
Mm. When it lands in that knowing part of you, and then you can speak. Same with our kids. When we wanna just tell them what to do rather than embody those traits ourselves. Yes. The, the latter way of teaching will have far more of an impact on their hearts and their minds and their bodies and their [00:10:27] spirits than if we just get out there and finger wag, like, tidy up your room.
Okay. Well, they don't want to just listen blindly all the time. They wanna understand why they wanna know the purpose. And then if we. Even simple instructions. If they're coming from a place of knowing rather than a place of telling, it lands in a much more meaningful way in their hearts, so that then they, and we are partners in our mutual growth, just like a student Wow.
Are partners in a mutual growth. I see my role as a mother, as a mutual reciprocal relationship where I'm not giving them all my power. I wanna be really clear. I have high expectations. I, I do have high expectations, but I'm not strict. I don't give them all of my power. I don't let them walk all over me.
Yes. But I know that we are in relationship with each other. [00:11:27] I have to learn from them. They have to learn from me. And together we can both rise.
The Hierarchy in Yoga
Surabhi: And that view of it being a partnership. Partnership, whether it's student, teacher, mother, child. Can you talk about yoga and the anti-racism work in yoga and how that hierarchical?
Uh, I'm the best. I know everything kind of approach ties into that because the way I see it is it's the same systems of, you know, whether it's patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, all of these isms. Is very much, uh, hierarchical, right? Like, we're better and then you have to learn from us. You have to look up to us, right?
And in yoga classes that I've attended that are in the west, that's how I felt. I'm like, this 20 something year old is giving me life advice and telling me what I should do and how I should let go, let go of all my worries at the door as if I can just dissociate myself and put all my worries in like a, in a little cage.[00:12:27]
Right. And it's just this hierarchical, like, I'm better, you gotta listen to me because I'm the teacher. But at the same time, it does not feel like a relationship. And so can you just expand on that a little bit because I think that what you said is really powerful. And it's just even right now listening to you talk, it's shifting the way I think about parenting as well.
Aarti: Well, yeah. These are important conversations that we have to have about the way that yoga is taught to these young folks as sort of a job and a business model. Yes. Versus as a spiritual teacher, there's a difference and we're churning out teachers who are doing it because it's a good job and because they got something out of yoga and they love it, but it's not necessarily.
A job to do. It's a way that you live and maybe that 20 year old is super wise and has landed a lot of knowing in her or his being or their being and is speaking for them. From there, then fine. But if it's when it's a [00:13:27] job and you're just teaching it, yeah, it's, it's different. Oh. So we need to have these conversations about the way that yoga is taught here in the West, the concepts that are taught.
Where it's being taught, we need to talk about how studios make most of their money through yoga teacher's training. Mm, I didn't know that. And yeah, and about what the expectations are for the student. For the, for the teach for the student who becomes a teacher and what responsibility they hold. These are, these are important conversations.
Surabhi: Those are huge conversations
Aarti: and they are being had, I have to credit,
Fighting Against Cultural Appropriation & Colonization
Aarti: there are many folks in the sort of the social justice space that are, and well wellness space that are sort of disrupting some of these norms and taking some of these norms apart and calling them out. I personally feel
that my mere presence in this yoga world [00:14:27] is a disruption because it is, I don't fit any of those. Uh, I don't fit any of those norms. And that presence in the yoga world has not been received well. So I've faced quite a, a bit Wow. Of. Discrimination and erasure. I've been, I've been told I'm a problem. I've been told I think I know it all.
What there was one time I said, you know, you can't put a ganish on the floor next to the shoes at this one studio. Oh my gosh. And you know, usually I used to be very shy and I, I never spoke up about any of these things because it was also my job. I was a new teacher of all this stuff. And they labeled me as difficult as very difficult and a know-it-all.
There was a Buddha in the bathroom. There were pictures of her in the bathroom and then there was a ganish on the floor cuz it's art. They see it as as art and decor and sure sacred, sacred art is a thing. You can display art. Not everything is worshiped. But this is why I started to teach a [00:15:27] sacred deities in yoga course, because I started to see in the yoga world how folks are just seeing this as.
Artifacts from Pier one or something that you can just display around your studio, cuz it looks pretty. Uh, and let's throw dream catcher there and let's put a yin and yang there. And let's do like, a crystal and an incense and an om symbol and boom yoga studio. So we put all these things so tacky.
It's, and it's a mishmash of many sacred traditions. Indigenous traditions are sacred. You know, the, you can't just,
Surabhi: you can't just like stuff it all together and call it, you can't do that. Call it, call yourself spiritual
Aarti: wellness. Yeah. Yes. So we are signaling wellness with these things. So I started to speak a little more and, and it wasn't well received.
Uh, I've been tossed out of studios for being too traditional. One studio owner told me, and this one really hurt, actually, this one took me. 10 years to heal. And I still feel the harm because I'm a [00:16:27] sensitive person. I can still, even if I think about the story, I can still feel the harm in my chest when I was told, you know, we can't have anyone who teaches here if they have any lineage.
So you can't be a yoga teacher here because you have a lineage and you have ancestry. And so I was, dismissed from that place. And it took me a long time to realize how. Racist. That was, that's, that's so racist. That was, and how,
Surabhi: why wouldn't you, that was, and why wouldn't you want somebody that, like, that would be, if I had somebody who had the line, I'd be like, amazing.
This is our senior instructor, everyone, let's go. But that
Aarti: I thought that I was naive. I thought, I really was so naive. I went into yoga thinking, wow, okay, well, I'm Indian. This is my culture. It'll be great because I have a, I'm not saying I really want to be clear. I'm not saying that a brown person, a person of South Asian heritage is.
Inherently the yoga teacher. Yeah. Yeah. Than the white, white person. No way. Many of my teachers are white westerners and they're fabulous scholar [00:17:27] practitioners, who I continue to learn from. However, brown people, south Asian people have been systematically cut out of our practices. Our practices were robbed and stolen from us.
Our practices were erased from our culture. Our practices were banned in our homeland. Our culture was colonized. We were dismissed, we were pushed away. , it was removed from us. It was erased from us. And it's continuing to happen here in the west when an Indian person comes into a yoga studio and teaches the wholeness of yoga the way they know it.
And for the studio to say, sorry, we are only teaching a whitewashed version of it. You can't be here because you're a reminder of what we're trying to erase. Wow.
Surabhi: . That's what you just described, like that is the message they're giving you. You are a reminder of what they're trying to erase and yes, we are.
We have been historically and continue to be punished for practicing yoga, [00:18:27] for being, for living and breathing yoga, whereas they, you know, it's the same with like, I remember at work, you know, our Indian kurtas people here will call it a tunic tunic. One of my coworkers had this beautiful kurta and she's like, and everyone's like, oh my God, I love your tunic.
Where did you get it from? She's like, oh, at this like boutique shop, which is not Indian, and they're just copying our patterns, like, you know, the mango designs and everything. She's telling everyone we're gonna get this tunic. And I said, you know, that's an Indian kurta. I'm like, look up the word kurta
then every picture is like the same as what she's wearing, and I'm like, she can get away wearing that to work and she's cool and trendy. If I wore that to work, I would be too brown.
Aarti: Yeah, of course you would, you would get, so these, you'd be too brown. You can't wear a Bindi, you can't. But like, if, if Westerners do that, it's like chic and, you know, it's avant garde and nouveaux and it's, you know, it's trend setting and it's, yeah, totally.
I, I yearn for the day that I can present myself wholly and [00:19:27] fully in any space.
Surabhi: Yes. And not only in selective spaces.
Aarti: And not only in selective spaces, yeah. It's just not, it's not a luxury that's afforded to us. No. And so my presence is a disruption. It's a soft disruption, but it, and a subtle disruption, but it is a disruption of these norms.
And it actually, when I talk about colonization, capitalization, uh, of, of yoga and yogic practices, uh, It's very hard for me actually, because I can feel a lot of that harm in my body still. Maybe from these incidents that have built up, or maybe it's a generational harm. I, yeah, I don't know. I know many family members were, were freedom fighters and who, who directly oppose some of these things.
And, and some, some, some succumbed, , to, to that violence. But I know that it lives on in me and it's very difficult [00:20:27] sometimes to share these things. But I greatly value, I deeply value all of my students because the students who come to me, they want to know and they want, they care deeply and they want to.
Make changes and they want to shift the industry and they're investing in indigenous teachers like myself and the countless other fabulous teachers out there. And they're placing themselves in the student mind and they're, calling out, uh, harm in, in this yoga world. And, uh, and they most sacred to me.
They listen. They want to hear what I have to share and what others have to share, not just me. There's so many others. Who, who are sharing some of this harm, they care to listen. I'm very, very lucky with the students that I have that are, have turned to me specifically for what I can bring them. So I really just wanna highlight the spectacular people that I get to hold space with [00:21:27] every week.
There are so many of them and they're all very dear to me,
Surabhi: and I think, um, It's a reflection of you and it's, you know, it's like that symbiotic relationship again. What you present up to the world you're gonna attract. And I think that that. Reflects your space and um, for anyone who's listening who maybe isn't South Asian, who doesn't understand what that trauma is like living in your body, of being excluded from a practice that is yours inherently anyway, you know, I just want you to, uh, hear that these conversations are extremely painful.
Just because you might have heard somebody mention this a few times. I find that as a white person, you can listen to that and be like, oh man, that sucks. But then you can move on with the rest of your day. But if somebody's kicked out of a yoga studio because of the practicing something that's within their own culture, and they're being told, you're too, you're too brown, you're too Indian, you're too, you know, [00:22:27] this is too much for us.
That is, that leaves a huge scar that you can't just be like, oh, ugh. Screw that studio. Move on. Right. And. So while this might be optional learning for white yoga instructors, yoga teachers, or yoga practitioners, or a student of yoga, sometimes this isn't optional work for us. This is work that's pushed on us because we're just trying to share.
Our experience, right. This is, um, personal growth, self-development, healing work. It's pushed on us, it's forced upon us because we live in a world that constantly others, us, and constantly gives us less opportunities and puts us as lower or less than. So it's not an option for us. And I just wanna say, I wanna thank you for sharing that because storytelling is powerful and I think that's how we heal and grow together.
And even just. You are a small disruption, but you are a disruption no less in the industry and your presence is needed and [00:23:27] valued. And even I'm, I remember when I saw your page, I think sometime last year, I was like, immediately like, oh, like somebody like me who's speaking my language, who gets it. And it's not just a, you know, you're not just saying like, oh, do these eight poses every day, and like, here's a post to cure cancer.
Here's a post to, you know how like some accounts, but it's. It's,
Aarti: we can't make those claims. Right. That's, that's a other conversation. Right.
Surabhi: Exactly. But you, you're speaking in such a whole person way that really leaves, um, I don't wanna say leaves, no room, but leaves little room for that self shaming type of, uh, feeling that many people get when they enter yoga space.
Disability & Yoga
Aarti: I want to thank you for saying that. It's very lovely. Um, I want everyone to know wherever they take a class with whomever they take a class. You are. You are wonderful and perfect the way that you are. Your body is made for yoga. Mm. Your body is made for yoga. [00:24:27] Any body can do yoga. There's a meme out there.
I don't know why I keep quoting memes. If you have a body, you can yoga. Yes, you can. You can do, I've done it all these ways too. You can do it on a chair. You can do it lying down. You can do it on your back. You can do it, you know, standing up. You can do it in the car. You can do it. I have practiced yoga.
With no mobility.
Importance of Pelvic Physiotherapy
Aarti: Like I was in a bed, I couldn't, my hips were completely, that ligament was severed, so I was completely immobile and you, I didn't even know this at the time, but your hips literally hold you completely in place. I couldn't do anything that required any kind of torque or twist. So that means, Ooh, yeah, even arm across your body.
I could move my head. But that's it. I had to be pretty much fed. Yeah. I had to be carried to the bathroom. Oh, I, it was a very tough time. It lasted for many months. Um, The healing was slow. It was a very severe [00:25:27] case. Pelvic floor physiotherapy saved my life. Let's talk about that at some point or another time.
I cannot, I tell every pregnant person I know. Please go see a pelvic physiotherapist when you're pregnant.
Surabhi: Please do. And I'm glad you say that because, um, yeah, I'm, I'm not saying that everything can be preventable, but that education beforehand would. At least it would, it makes a big difference. A and I Sorry you had that difference because
Aarti: it's not, nobody knew.
My midwives didn't know, they didn't know about that field, so they couldn't advise me during my first pregnancy, um, when it happened. So then they referred me, uh, I was still under their care, but I went to see Obi, uh, g y n and, and he didn't know. He was like, okay, well you've got this horrible thing that's happened to you.
Um, nobody told me about physiotherapy, but they said, well, you're gonna have to birth on your back and you're gonna be immobile and you can't have any, like, this could get worse during birthing, so you can't have anything that's gonna numb you. So no epidural. Then they decided to [00:26:27] give me Pitocin, which amplifies all of your pain.
Yeah, so it was. Like those movies where you hear someone screaming during childbirth. That was me. I apparently, I traumatized the whole like South Lake Hospital, so I'm sorry people I did that cuz I was screaming a lot. It was very, very painful. And the second time around, none of that happened because I went to see a physiotherapist.
Surabhi: Wow. This is an ad for pelvic physio right there. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take this clip and be like,
Aarti: please do I have, I tell everybody, whenever I see a pregnant woman, Waddling that pregnancy waddle. I, I, I try not to give people unsolicited advice, but I'll ask them, how are you doing? You know, this is an option for you.
I had that. I had that, it got really bad. My hips broke. I was bedridden. Most pain I've ever felt, way worse than childbirth. See a pelvic floor physiotherapist cuz they teach you how to hold your body together so that that waddle doesn't happen anymore. [00:27:27] Put this in your one minute ad. Okay. In one session, I got a bit of my walk back.
I walked into the physiotherapist like this, and in one hour I could walk out straight, and then I kept going back and it just kept going, getting better and better and better, and I am now the biggest advocate for. Pregnancy and post pregnancy physiotherapy care. It's a must.
Surabhi: I'm applauding and I think that, um, people think that it'll take forever to get better, but I.
No, I agree. Sometimes the first visit alone has so much impact and you also, your, remember we talked about the physicality of pain, but also the mental and emotional, just being in a space where you feel supported, where you feel like, wow, this person gets it. And they've seen something like this before.
They understand me. They don't, they're not blaming it on my lack of exercise or my weight or [00:28:27] my size, cuz you know, that happens too. They are just seeing me for what I am. I remember I had a, I, one of my clients is a doctor and she was like, I have a client postpartum. She's three days postpartum. She cannot move.
She's, you know, really bad shape. Same thing pubic symphasis function. We work together virtually and literally within like three days. Her pain went from like 11 out of 10, like super bad to, oh, I can get up and down off the couch. I can get out of bed, I can walk. And she was like, still limping, but she was walking with more ease and I think we stopped working together at two and a half weeks postpartum.
Wow. Yeah, like it's so fast and part of it is, Yes. Time alone will heal. But there were some very specific strategies that she needed to stop, minimize or not stop minimizing. Stop irritating the same area over and over again. Yes. Cause sometimes you don't know that what you're doing is constantly Re-irritating that wound, that injury.
Yes. Yes. Um, so yeah, education support [00:29:27] in every aspect of our lives. You know, learning to ask for help, not because we're so broken and we need others to fix us, but so we understand how we can. We can be empowered and understand how we can support ourselves. Yes. Because most people, that's all they need.
They need a bit of guidance. Yes. And their bodies and support and support and their bodies are excellent healers. Our bodies are so good at healing. The fact that you had that and you went on to have another child shows your capacity for healing.
Aarti: Yes, yes. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.
And then if we live in a culture that thinks that, Look at what happened to my body and I'm a yoga teacher. That could have destroyed my whole sense of my whole identity. Yes, yes. But it's because I've had good teachers that I learned that. No, that physical part is just one part. What is my body's wisdom trying to teach me here?
Maybe I need to develop. And lean into some of the other practices.
Prioritizing Mental & Physical Health as a Parent
Aarti: So I did, so I listened to the pod with [00:30:27] them and I visualized my, um, practice and I did a, as much deep breathing as I, you know, when you're hugely pregnant, you can't breathe deeply. Yeah, I did whatever I could. I just did whatever I could and I still felt like I had a yoga practice.
And same thing after you have kids, you have no time. You don't have time to do like a two hour practice every day. Hats off to moms, uh, young children's moms like you who can come to a weekly class, but in the beginning, many, many parents, they just can't swing it. So does that mean you're not practicing yoga?
No. There's so many things you can do. You can you just wake up and say home. Or wake up and just list three things you're grateful for. Those are some of the things that I would do. Or you wake up and if your kid's not awake yet, sit quietly in the corner for two minutes and just breathe. I used to lock myself in the closet for just two minutes with the lights.
Lights off. Yes. Same. And [00:31:27] I.
Surabhi: And I, and you need that as a mom because there's constant stimulation and noise, and sometimes just silence. If, if it's your car, lock yourself in your car, close your eyes and you know, don't even turn the music on. Just let yourself be in silence for a minute. And someone, someone actually told me, like the gratitude in the morning was a big game changer for me.
Or no, sorry, gratitude before going to bed. So three things I think of that I'm grateful for, and everyone thinks you have to journal, you have to write it down and yes, sure, that can be great, but sometimes you're just like, I have no time for that. Or I'm in bed already. And it's okay to just,
Aarti: sometimes it feels like a thing to do.
Yes.
Surabhi: Instead of just something that's a practice.
Aarti: Yeah. Yes. If it's. I don't ever want it. When I, when I work with my clients, they tell me, yeah, I guess I, I should journal, I should do this, I should do that. And then that's when I, when what I'm hearing is, okay, this is a thing to do. So how can we work with you in your schedule to put yoga into the background so that you feel some ease and less [00:32:27] stress and less suffering.
So that it's not a thing to do. And so then journaling is the first thing to go and waking up and having a structured practice is the second thing to go. Instead, we say, lie down in your bed right before you go to sleep and say, think three things to yourself, and that's, that's your pr. That's a great practice, and that's enough.
Surabhi: And it honestly is a game changer for new, new parents who are like a lot of, sometimes there's that resentment that you feel, oh, my partner doesn't have to go through these body changes. You know, he'll never get it. And it's so unfair that I had to do this twice, and my body has all these changes and my mental health is suffering.
And so it's very easy to get into anger, resentment. And so it's important to just ground yourself and be like, what am I actually grateful for? And when you step away from it in the thick of it, every, everything seems like a big deal. Give yourself time to heal, cuz it is not an overnight healing. It takes years, I always say 18 to 24 months.
The, the literature just shows, you know, you shouldn't even get pregnant again for the first 18 months. [00:33:27] And the research is all about the health of the baby, right? The next fetus won't be held. You know, the, the risks of fetal issues increase if you get pregnant again within the 18 months. Because they don't care about what the women's body will be like if you get pregnant again within 18 months.
Right. They're not even doing research on that. Only now they're starting to say, oh, why don't we actually look at how the women's mental health or the person's mental health, physical health suffers? And so I always say, give it 18 to 24 months and then, then let's talk. Because usually by then people are like, oh, I suddenly started feeling better.
Oh, all that strengthening has paid off. Oh, like I. Everything will start to improve over time. So when you're in the thick of it, I love what you just said. And the breathing was another big thing. I would wake up in the morning to my children screaming and I'm not a morning person. And so that's a tough way.
It would, it would like my heart would immediately go into like heart up, heart rate, elevated heart racing. And so I would just force myself to stay lying down and just breathe cuz they can scream for another minute. It's all [00:34:27] good. They're just screaming for. Whatever, whatever it is, food. I want my diaper changed one minute.
It's not gonna make a difference, but it will make it for them. But it'll make a difference for you because if you say, despite all of this chaos around me, despite everybody needing me, I'm giving myself some attention first. I'm giving myself some care, and even if it's a little bit, it's enough. I don't want you to feel like, oh, I barely did anything.
No, no, you did enough. You did what you needed to do. You did what you could do. Did what you could. Yeah. And fitness culture and diet culture has woven into the yoga industry too. Yes, absolutely. Right. So I will see a lot of people saying, wake up and do this two hour morning practice before your kids awake.
I'm like, I dunno how. I don't know anybody really that's doing that.
Aarti: Two hours is a lot. I can do a little bit now cuz my kids are older. But when I was in that thick of things, in that young phase where your kids are, [00:35:27] there is no chance. And if I could take an extra 10 minutes of sleep, oh boy, I would take those 10 minutes.
Those 10 minutes were valuable to me. Yeah, they were really valuable. And oftentimes there's a kid in my bed, so if I, yeah, that too, right? Then I can't just be get up and like go and do a practice with a three-year-old in the bed. They're gonna say, absolutely not. You're not going anywhere. You just stay here with me.
I want some hugs.
Surabhi: Or they're gonna wake up with you at like the crack of dawn and then you're gonna be like, I regret this decision immediately.
Aarti: Tough. Like we have to, we have to give ourselves a lot of grace and. And, and I don't know if this is the right word, but also forgive ourselves for Oh yes.
Shifting our life to accommodate someone else. Um, I don't know if that's the right word. I have to think about a better word, but there is so much guilt and shame. There was for me when I moved out, also because I had this identity, right. I am a yoga teacher or [00:36:27] you know, that was my identity. Yes. And then I lost my body and then I had kids and suddenly there was no practice.
Yes.
Hindu Stages of Life
Aarti: So what to your identity as smitha, it's called in the, in the philosophy, what happens then to your identity? If you have wrapped yourself around this idea of who and what you are, who you are, taken away, what happens to you. And that was a beautiful process for me. It was challenging, but it was a beautiful process of, okay, I've shifted from, um, the, the, what they call the Brahmacharya phase of life into Gṛhastha phase of life, the, the householder phase of life.
Okay? I am firmly entrenched in Gṛhastha so now, What happens to my practice? Is it gone? No. My practice has to shift to evolve. Yeah. Phase of life. I have to put into practice all of the things I've learned. I have to learn how to embody the things that I've been building up and developing over the previous phase of life.
I have to learn how to act with a little bit of detachment. [00:37:27] I have to learn how to discriminate. I have to learn how to practice ahimsa. I have to practice socha. I have to practice all of the things that I've previously learned as theory that were so easy before.
Surabhi: Oh yeah, just read all the definitions, memorize it, and then you're like, wait.
No problem. This
Aarti: practice, now I have to live it. Yeah, I have to live it now. And so that's why they say Gṛhastha is actually the most sacred of all the four ashrams or the four stages of life, because this is where. The life is, this is where the change, this is the container through which we can grow the most because now is the time.
Wow. We put these things into practice and we can lean on what we know. Wow.
Surabhi: And. I think for, you know, you were saying, you have to give yourself grace for allowing your schedule to shift. Yeah. I think, I think we have to understand that the reason we think we should just be able to carry on as normal after having kids is because that's what we're socialized [00:38:27] to believe.
That's what we see on tv, the bounce back culture and not just the physical bounce back the. The career, bounce back the, I'm back at work, you know, it's glorified. I'm a woman. I'm breastfeeding, I'm pumping, but I'm back at work in two weeks. That's the US healthcare system for you. The maternal healthcare system is awful there and so, but it's, but it's all over TV and media.
Anytime we do see mothers, which is rare, it's portrayed as this, you know, corporate women back at work and that's glorified. Whereas the moms were stay-at-home moms are like, Ugh. She's this like loafer who just like mooches off her partner. Right? Like that's that. Yeah. But the reality is that work is sacred work.
Sacred, sacred work, and
Identity Shift as a New Parent
Surabhi: it's, it's normal for your schedule to change, your life to change. But , we believe that it's a problem, and it does, because that's not. No, nobody talks about it. Just know that if your identity feels shifted, it's normal. It's supposed to shift. It's normal.
Aarti: It's supposed to shift.
They say in our culture, as you, as you know, uh, [00:39:27] birthing a child is a rebirth for the mother. Yeah. We turn into completely different people. Totally different people. Yeah, completely. Like fully, fully shift into a new phase of life, fully shift. Everything changes for us and in ways that we can't quantify, we can't qualify, we can't describe.
It's just everything. Changes and we have to suddenly become a brand new person while raising little humans and being fully responsible for their mental wellbeing, physical wellbeing, you know, emotional wellbeing. It's, it's a lot. And then somehow manage a relationship, uh, if that's, if that's there. And then also somehow manage a profession or a career if that's there.
Yeah. And in some cases also manage elderly parent care. And it's a lot of, it's so much stuff. To do. Uh, and oftentimes, especially I'm noticing here in America, it's in complete isolation, so you don't even have any kind of support network or people around [00:40:27] you to help guide you and help protect you and help come you, there's like, you're expected to do it alone.
Yeah. You're just somehow we're, and we're not told how to do those, those things.
Surabhi: No.
Self Care
Surabhi: Okay, so that leads me to the next question for you. Um, what are three things you like to do every day to care for yourself for self-care, if you wanna call it that, or three things, rituals
Aarti: or I call them non-negotiables.
Yes, that's a good one. Um, so I have one non-negotiable and that is alone time. I take alone time every day, uh, these days because my kids are slightly older, you know, eight and 10. My alone time is in the morning. I wake up before them. Um, I go outside cuz I live in the warm climate. I go outside and I do my practice.
Sometimes I do my practice inside, sometimes I do it outside. Um, I do my practice, my yoga practice, and then I take my hot beverage [00:41:27] alone. By myself. Nobody is allowed to talk to me. My husband knows the rules. I have to have sacred alone time. I watch the sun rise. Oh, my practice with my hot beverage.
It's, it's. Probably the only self-care thing you asked for. Three. There's only one, but in that one is infinity. It's everything for me. I, wow. I have to have alone time every day. And of course things happen sometimes we go to the beach early, we're busy or the kids are, and I slept in or I had a bad night cuz, you know, whatever.
Somebody's sick. Of course I miss days. Of course. I miss my practice. Um, I want to normalize that practice is not rigid and structured in classical yoga the way sometimes it's being portrayed that classical yoga is the definite thing with lots of rules. No, um, it's fluid. It flows with the ages and the stages of your life.
I've [00:42:27] missed things. I've changed it for my body. I've changed it for the day. Um, but I make sure to do a little bit for myself in terms of a. Structured something every day in addition to the other things that happen throughout the day.
Surabhi: Like that's, that's lovely. And I wanna say for those who are listening, who are like new parents, don't compare yourself cuz literally each year that your child grows.
Cuz mine are two and a half and five. Yes. There's a big difference between two and a half and five, and one and a half and four. Yes. Like, like there's a huge difference. I can get out more now. I was, I'm dancing more. I'm, you know, it's just easier. And so don't com don't compare. Oh, your kids are, you know.
Oh, wow. This mom does this. Well, your kids are older and you've been building this practice for years probably. So yes. If you are starting something new, start with whatever you can do. And yes, you, you said it's one thing alone time, but I, I hear three things. A warm beverage alone, time and your practice outdoor time.
Like, that's like four things rolled into one, right? So you're getting like [00:43:27] huge bet for your buck.
Aarti: Let me be clear to all the new moms listening to this, that is not hours and hours of time. Sometimes that's three minutes. It's can sometimes my practice is three minutes long when I wake up and I go outside and I do it.
Because there are many ways to practice, and it's a gift I give myself, and it's a habit that I've created over the years, but creating habits. Can be easy. If you, uh, when, when, when it's time to create those new habits, then it's easy. But I'm not saying that I'm out there doing a two hour practice every day.
No, no, no, no, no. Sometimes maybe, but some days it's very, very short. But I make sure to take care of myself in some small ways, and that nourishes me so that I can, as they say, pour from a whole cup. You know? I can, yes. Give myself to the world. I, we're all, we're always giving,
Surabhi: we're so always giving. Right.
Um, [00:44:27] wow. I love that. And tell me something that you are really passionate about these days.
Serving Humanity
Aarti: Um, well, I'm really passionate about, uh, yoga, specifically service, I would say service. I'm, I'm very passionate about service, about serving humanity, about serving nature. About serving the environment. I want to care for community.
I want to serve. I want to give Service is at the heart of I think, what I'm teaching.
Surabhi: Beautiful. And I can see that come through in your work and in even in the way you speak. , can you tell me about a book or a podcast that has been life-changing for you?
Aarti: Well, I've been listening to your podcast and have you, oh my gosh,
Surabhi: that's such an honor.
Aarti: Yes, I have. I have been listening and it's beautiful. So much wisdom that you share. Thank you. Um, definitely mom strength. Um,
The Comfort Book
Aarti: also my friend sent me a book recently called The Comfort Book by Matt Haig [00:45:27] I think, and it's these during a difficult time when actually when I was injured and I became a little bit withdrawn, um, because I was alone isolated.
I couldn't take care of my kids. I couldn't drive, I couldn't take them to school. It's just me and my husband here. We don't have any extended family. So I got very worried and very scared. And when you are in that space, sometimes for me at least, I withdrew and I became a little bit depressed, I think. Yes. Just in my own world.
And I didn't wanna read anything. I didn't wanna do anything. I was just sad. Yeah. And some sent me this book and, and, and he said, um, you don't have to read this cover to cover, just open it somewhere. And each page is just a tiny little blurb, just a tiny little tidbit of something. And that was manageable to me.
It was like, I didn't wanna sit and read a whole book. I didn't have the capacity for it. So I believe it or not, uh, that was a thing that happened. I just, I didn't have the capacity to, [00:46:27] to read a book. I've, I just, I don't know. So this was great because I just, you just open it. You read one paragraph and these paragraphs are so powerful and he's such a good writer, and they landed so deeply in my consciousness.
I still keep that book. This was now a year and a half, two years ago. I still keep that book on my nightstand. Wow. I open it from time to time and just reflect. It's, it's a great one.
Surabhi: I've never heard of it, so thank you for sharing that. That sounds like a lovely way to, um, kind of ease back into. Yourself too, because I find that injuries for those listening injuries, many people get depressed after injuries because it's the first time you are challenged by your kind of, your mortality too.
Right? You're like, oh, some days, you know? I'm like, it's, it's a sign that you're not that youthful, invincible. Yes. And you were never invincible by the way. You just thought you were, cuz you were young. And then as we get older, we are exposed to injuries cuz it's life. It's, nor it's, I don't [00:47:27] wanna say it's normal, but it is normal.
We're all gonna have pain at some point, we're all gonna have injuries. And so understanding that. Go, you're going through a normal phase. It is normal to be sad and or depressed when you're in there. But then it's also very helpful to have either books, tools, people, community around you. And when you're not around community, like, you know, you said right now you don't have family around you.
You're in a, it's just you, you family. It's leaning on friendships and leaning on community in other ways is so, so key. So key
Aarti: if I was looking
Surabhi: friends. Yeah.
Changing Hearts & Minds of Political Leaders
Surabhi: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
Aarti: Oh,
I would change the hearts and minds of our leadership. I would ask them to shift into a more service-oriented approach serving their constituents rather than serving power. Or serving their own needs or [00:48:27] serving ideals that are not held by the majority of people. Uh, I, I wish that our leadership would serve the most vulnerable members of our society and would serve Mother Earth in this environment.
I'm talking about the, the climate crisis, our trans youth. Uh, People who are unhoused. If there was one thing I would change, it would be the hearts and minds of those who are making these powerful decisions to orient themselves into service, to humanity and this world rather than service of power.
Surabhi: Yeah. Because ultimately that's what's happening now. They're serving their own power, financial power, other, you know, resources and extraction, right? They're constantly extracting from our earth instead of being grateful and serving the earth because the Earth lets us be here. Right. It's [00:49:27] just, uh,
Aarti: it's like, it's true.
This is a, this is a scary moment. It is,
Surabhi: it's very scary. Especially with all the forest fires and everything up here and you know, yes. Climate change across the world and the impacts on not just, um, the people, but the animals and plant the everything. Right. Okay.
Connect With Aarti
Surabhi: if somebody wants to work with you, where can they find you?
Aarti: Um, They can find me through Instagram. Um, I'm fairly active on social media, well, on Instagram. I'm fairly active at uh, Aarti.Inamdar and then my website is where all of my programs and courses and classes are listed. And that's Aarti yoga.com.
Surabhi: Amazing. And do you have any, um, I know you have like your, um, Asana classes and your Happy Yoga.
Can you just share a little bit about that?
Aarti: So the Asana classes, it's Asana, brai. I'm on classes. They run, uh, three times a [00:50:27] year. So they're pretty much all year round with a break in the summer. So the fall, January, and then springtime. Um, and then I'm running a very special program that I've actually very dear to my heart.
I, I kind of blush a little bit thinking about it because I've been building this program for about 10 years. Wow. Amazing. And it comes out of, Uh, all of the mentoring over the years that I've done with students one-on-one helping them figure out like when in their day do they practice what is a yoga practice?
Can I, you mean I can cook dinner and, and, and say mantra and feel some connection with myself. Oh, okay. Like, learning about the depth of yoga and the breadth of yoga and different breathing techniques and, and how to make it accessible for their body. So, through that wisdom, I've put together a course and it's an immersion course for folks who want to learn more and deepen.
And it's an imer, it's called Hatha Yoga Immersion. And so that will start, um, there's one in July and then I'll do another one in January.
Surabhi: That's incredible. And [00:51:27] I, um, I'm excited for that, for anyone who is interested. I will share the links to both, um, on my, um, And the show notes and on my website.
Aarti's Mom Strength
Surabhi: And my last question to you is, what would you consider to be your mom's strength?
Aarti: Yes. This is a good question.
I think my mom's strength is that I, I try to reach from my intuition when I am communicating and guiding my kids. I try to speak to them whenever I can. Of course, it's a progress, so it's a work in progress, but I, I try whenever I can to respectfully reach out to them from that inner space of knowing that learning space, that knowing space, that wholeness and, uh, and in turn I try to teach them to do the same towards me and, and others, and getting access to that wholeness space.
Comes [00:52:27] from my practice. So I guess my strength is my practice. Wow.
Surabhi: It all ties together, right?
Aarti: It really does. It's so beautiful. I get so excited talking about it. It just, it's such a beautiful practice. It's so, it's so holistic. It's just, it's about every aspect of life and it's so meaningful for me and has been the changes that I've seen in myself and in the.
Students, uh, and the people in my life, my relationship with this world, uh, I feel so lucky to have had the exposure to these, uh, to this tradition. Very, very lucky. And thank you very much for, uh, honoring, um, Giving space to classical yoga for giving space to traditional teachings for uplifting and, um, create for your efforts in decolonizing the practice of yoga by, um, having the various guests that you've had on your podcast talk about these things, [00:53:27] uh, and for your energy in this space.
So I'm very grateful to you and thank you so much for having me.
Surabhi: I'm so grateful to you as well. Um, truly social media has allowed me to connect with some of the best people in the world, and it's one of those things that everybody, um, poo-poos on is like, oh, you're online, all the, but you're like, you know what?
You meet the most incredible human beings that you feel connected to, like their souls. And, um, I'm excited to one day meet you in person when you come back to visit Ontario. Maybe. Yeah.
Aarti: Um, I'm there every summer. So I'll, I'll come and see you.
Surabhi: Oh, yay. That's ex that's really, that's exciting. That makes me really happy.
Um, so for anyone listening who found this episode helpful, please share it with, um, your yoga community. Share it with your friends, your parents, um, with anyone who you feel, feel would benefit from this conversation. And if you share it on social media, you can tag us and let us know your thoughts. Thank you so much.
