Breastfeeding is hard: oversupply, fast let-down, and how I lasted 40 months
“Breastfeeding is natural. Breastfeeding is easy. It’s what nature intended.”
Do those phrases trigger you as much as they did me? 😅 After dealing with oversupply, fast letdown, blocked ducts, blebs, bleeds, bites, and a permanently changed nipple, let me tell you - breastfeeding was ANYTHING but easy.
Breastfeeding may be natural, but it’s not always easy.
I exclusively breastfed both my kids for a total of 40 months (17 months with my first, 23 months with my second) and I’m so proud of that. But my journey was ripe with challenges, and I wish I knew that I wasn’t alone in what I was experiencing. I’m sharing my own journey, and what worked for me below. Take everything I’ve written as my own personal experience, not medical advice. See an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) for help with your own situation.
My breastfeeding journey
With my first baby, breastfeeding was an incredibly hard journey. She was born healthy and happy, and I had an unmedicated birth at home. It was all wonderful, so I thought it was only natural for breastfeeding to go smoothly as well. Imagine my surprise when every time she latched, it felt like shards of glass hitting my nipples (far, far worse than my unmedicated birth!). I had amazing midwives who did home visits those first few days, and helped me with the latch. My mother-in-law is a retired labor & delivery nurse who also helped. My own mom breastfed and said she never remembered it hurting (but also, the memory of pain tends to fade over 30-40 years).
After about a week of raw and bleeding nipples, I got prescription cream and was better about taking my pain medication. Baby was growing well and putting on weight, and everyone said the latch looked good. She had a mild tongue tie that they said wouldn’t impact her feeding since she the latch was effective and she was gaining well.
Oversupply and fast let-down
The thing is, I had oversupply and an extremely fast let-down (picture water hoses on full force). My poor baby was constantly overloaded with milk, and the speed of my flow kept making her choke. It took a brilliant lactation consultant (who also happens to be my best friend’s mom) to finally help me, via a telephone conversation, when I was 1 month postpartum. She told me about oversupply, and she told me she was sorry I was going through this. She said most people don’t see how hard oversupply can be. She saw that I was devastated and that it was really crushing that this experience wasn’t going smoothly or enjoyable.
I started to cry as I heard her validate how I was feeling. I finally felt seen. Like someone understood EXACTLY what I was going through.
There seems to be so much awareness and help for undersupply. Supplements, teas, and support. Doctors seem to empathize. Oversupply is seen as a minor problem - like, “Hey, you have EXTRA milk, what are you complaining about?” The thing is, when you have too much milk for the baby and it comes out so fast, their tiny mouths and bellies can’t ingest it fast enough. They choke back a bunch of milk too soon and get super cranky and gassy.
And because your baby is gassy and not fully satiated, they end up nursing every 30-60 min alllll day. And each time your baby nurses, your body is triggered to produce even more milk.
Babies are smart, and eventually they even learn how to manage the fast flow. They anticipate the forceful let-down and they start to pinch your nipples to slow down the flow (picture clamping down on a water hose to slow the flow). And it HURTS. You’re sitting there in so much pain, just praying the whole experience passes quickly. What’s supposed to be an enjoyable, relaxing, bonding experience, ends up being terrifying.
What finally helped me breastfeed
My lactation consultant recommended I start doing reclined feedings or laid back nursing. That’s where you lie down on your back, slightly elevated, and put baby on top of you on their tummy. This way, your milk has to work anti-gravity (and is therefore, a bit slower to come out), and your baby can control the flow a bit more easily (so they tend to choke less and bite less - yay!).
I would empty one side fully before giving baby the other side - so for example if she finished a feed on the right side but there was still milk in there, I’d put her back on the right side again until it was drained. Then I’d switch her to the other side.
I avoided pumping in between (because the more milk you take out, the more milk your body produces), but when my boobs would get rock hard or too full, I’d hand express a touch before latching. I sometimes used a Haakaa to catch the letdown from the other side while feeling on one side.
It took me months to finally stop leaking and projectile milk spurting everywhere.
Around 7 weeks postpartum, I spent a completely stress-free weekend at a friend’s cottage with my 2 best friends and our babies. Maybe it was the time outside in nature, or the time spent connecting with friends, or just a coincidence, but my milk supply suddenly regulated. I also stopped having hot flashes. It reminded me how we really can’t underestimate the power of stress management and community on healing!
Blocked ducts
Around 5 months, my baby slept for a bit longer at night, and I ended up with blocked ducts. And it happened again around 7 months. I feel fortunate I didn’t have to deal with mastitis, although I know many do. I share more tips on what to do about blocked ducts in my blog post HERE.
With all the oversupply, overactive let-down, blocked ducts and everything, I continued exclusively breastfeeding my first baby until about 17 months when she self-weaned. I remember being very sad when our journey ended. I really did enjoy those snuggles, and moments (even though half the time I was terrified she was going to pinch or bite me). Still though, those few moments where she’d look up at me with her big brown eyes, and I’d be wondering how I got so lucky to be her mom. 🥹
It’s okay if you don’t breastfeed
Part of me is grateful I persisted with breastfeeding, and the other part of me feels I put too much pressure on myself to breastfeed. Perhaps if someone had just said, “It’s okay if you don’t breastfeed,” it would have helped me take some of that pressure off. Maybe I would have gone easier with myself.
Breastfeeding can be natural, unnatural, magical, frustrating, comforting, and painful all at once
My second time breastfeeding
With my second baby, I had a completely different experience, and it was very redeeming. I had another unmedicated home birth and a healthy and happy baby, but everything else was different from the start. I had an abundance of colostrum aka liquid gold right from the initial hour. He latched effectively and it only mildly hurt. His mouth was a lot bigger, and he didn’t have a tongue tie, which made a massive difference. Breastfeeding may have hurt just a bit the first week, and I used the nipple creams and took my pain meds. But after a week, breastfeeding was amazing. I enjoyed the snuggles and bonding time. I was more present during feeds and was so tuned into his newborn smell. I realized then that I used to dread breastfeeding my first, and I was so tense that I barely noticed her sweet smell, and how precious those newborn snuggles were. My second baby self-weaned at 22 months.
What I wish mothers knew about feeding their babies
Moms need to know that it all takes work and there is help! I'm so glad I breastfed both my kids but I do wish more people knew that it's hard. It's not natural and easy for everyone, and you're not a failure if it's hard for you or if you choose to use formula or need to use formula. You can do a combination of breastfeeding/chestfeeding, pumping and formula, and you are still a fantastic mom. Let’s take the pressure off needing to do it any one way.
I also emphasize listening to new moms - they know their body best and if they say something hurts, we need to listen. Everyone told me the latch looked good even though the pain was excruciating. It wasn’t until 1 month postpartum that I finally felt validated and heard. If you’re not being heard, please advocate for yourself, because you deserve better support.
It is NOT just a mother’s job to feed their baby.
Mothers need to be supported to breastfeed. Your partner(s), parent(s) or friend(s) need to support YOU to feed your baby by bringing you food and water, by cleaning and cooking, by holding baby so you can nap, by waking up for diaper changes etc. You have to eat a lot more while breastfeeding (330-400 calories/day, according to the CDC).¹ All of this is incredibly hard to keep up with, and it is unfair to expect the mom to do it all by herself. The massive burden that falls on a new mom can lead to failed breastfeeding attempts, unnecessary disappointment, and mental health challenges.
I am so grateful I had a supportive husband through it all so I didn’t have to worry about the cooking or housework. He woke for night feeds and changed diapers, and each of those things made a massive difference to a sleep-deprived, constantly hungry mom who was often in pain.
It takes a lot of work and moms can’t be expected to figure it all out for themselves.
You are not a failure if you don’t want to continue breastfeeding.
And please remember that if you decide not to breastfeed, you didn’t “give up” or fail. Moms need to be supported to feed their babies in any way that works best for them and their families.
Take-home message: You do not have to breastfeed. But if you do, you absolutely need support.
Need help with blocked ducts & breastfeeding?
Book a 1:1 physiotherapy appointment (Toronto) with me here
Check out my Blog: Tips for blocked ducts
More on breastfeeding, read my Blog: Breastfeeding: Benefits and Barrriers
Reference:
Breastfeeding: Maternal Diet. Centers of Disease Control and Prevention. Read article here.
