50. 4 tips to unlock pleasure and better orgasms
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Pleasure is defined as the feeling of happy satisfaction or contentment. If you want more pleasure in your life and in your sex life, we need to cultivate it. Here are 4 tips to cultivate more pleasure and have better orgasms:
Presence: being mindful and aware of the sensations in your body during daily activities can help you be more tuned in during sex
Breathe: your breath is your superpower and directly impacts your pelvic floor, blood flow and orgasms. Breathing can also help you relax and release tension, allowing you to fully feel the sensations in your body.
Foreplay: longer the better!
Belief: you have to believe that great sex and great orgasms are available to you. If you have a history of painful sex, trauma, or body image issues, this can be especially hard, but keep holding onto hope.
Reclaim your Pleasure workshop replay: practice presence and breath, release negative self-beliefs, and move your body to unlock more pleasure! https://www.thepassionatephysio.ca/reclaim-your-pleasure-workshop
Links & Resources:
Need help managing pelvic floor symptoms? Book your virtual 1:1 consultation: https://www.thepassionatephysio.ca/book-with-surabhi
Connect with Surabhi:
Website: https://www.thepassionatephysio.ca
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[00:00:00] Episode Intro & Podcast Intro with music
Surabhi: [00:01:02] Hey friends, this is Surabhi Veitch and welcome back to another episode of Mom Strength. In this spicy episode, we're gonna be talking about four tips for secrets to unlock more pleasure and in your life, and to help improve your orgasms. First, let's define what pleasure even is. Pleasure is a feeling of happy satisfaction.
Or enjoyment. And enjoyment. So when we think about pleasure. Um, when we think about pleasure, we often think about it related to sex but, here's the thing. Pleasure is part of sex. Yes. But it is also part of life.
[00:01:41] First secret of pleasure: presence
Surabhi: So this is gonna bring me to tip number one. To unlock pleasure in your life, the first thing you need is presence.
If you are not present in your body, you will not feel pleasure. It could be the most pleasurable sensation, it could be the most pleasurable. S day. It can be a beautiful sunny [00:02:02] day with a balmy breeze. But if your head is buried into that phone, you're not even gonna notice the beauty around you. If you are eating the most divine piece of chocolate cake, cause I love chocolate cake.
If you're eating the most divine piece of chocolate cake or samosa, or drinking that cup of coffee, whatever it is, but your head's buried in that phone or a book or work, or you're on a crowded subway train. , you're not really noticing what you're actually doing. You're noticing everything else that's outside of that experience of pleasure.
Then you won't actually feel the pleasure. And you know, it's like when you go for a massage. You lie down on the bed, your eyes are closed, so you feel the pleasure of the massage. But if somebody's rubbing your foot while you're not even paying attention, will it feel as pleasurable? Will it feel as nice?
No, you actually will feel it - that pleasure sensation, that feeling of happiness and contentment and satisfaction - will be less. I actually saw this example on, [00:03:02] um, Ashley, I don't remember her last name, Ashley. Shante's girlfriend . She shared this great example of when she was in the nail salon, getting a pedicure and her favorite part of that experience is getting a foot rub.
And she was on her phone. She missed the whole foot rub, lost that experience of pleasure, right? And so mindfulness is the path to pleasure, mindfulness, and practicing presence in your body is the path to feeling more pleasure. We're gonna practice this in my workshop. By the way, on February 23rd, my Reclaim Your Pleasure Workshop.
We're gonna be practicing presence and mindfulness in your body because in theory, you're like, oh yeah, that makes sense. But how do you actually, take that action for step forward to then going to embody pleasure in your body. That's what we need to experience and that's what we're gonna do together.
So it's a 60 minute workshop live and recorded. So if you miss the live, or if you can't make the live, you can watch the [00:04:02] replay and. , I'm gonna take you through movement and, a meditation, visualization, and breath strategies. We're gonna release tension in our bodies. We're gonna welcome in pleasure, and we're gonna move our bodies.
And your booty's gonna be moving, you're gonna be grooving, it's gonna feel good. 60 minutes of pleasure- focused fun just for you, right? So make sure to join me. I'm gonna add the link on my show notes, www.thepassionatephysio.ca/reclaim-your-pleasure-workshop I know it's long, so I'll just make sure I include the link So go ahead and save your spot for that. I'm so excited.
Okay, so let's get back to. Pleasure and the four secrets. So if the first is presence, and you know I mentioned the cake or the nail salon or the sun on your face, light breeze. There are countless ways to [00:05:02] experience pleasure during your day, even if you've had a really crappy day.
Even if you're like, something really bad happened this week, there may be still things that bring pleasure in your life. It can be something as simple as honestly taking a sip of water and feeling that water. I'm opening my bottle. I took a sip, sorry for that loud noise if you're listening to this. And I'm just feeling the pleasure of feeling my mouth is not dry, right?
And so it can be the little things. And so when you have, when you practice anything, whether it's piano, soccer, Running. The more chances you have to practice it, the better you get. Right? So the more you cultivate pleasure in your life during day-to-day events, the more joy and pleasure you're gonna feel in the bedroom too. It's gonna carry over.
[00:05:52] Second secret to pleasure: your breath
Surabhi: The next secret to unlock pleasure is your breath. So your breath is the key to life. It's your superpower. [00:06:02] Anything goes wrong. Your breath is gonna help you. It's the first thing you probably did when you were. , that's the last thing you'll do before you die. We're gonna, we have had thousands, hundreds of thousands of experiences with breathing, and when you are breathing with your shoulders up or your chest tight and your hunched forward on the computer, you're stressed because your work is stressful or your life is stressful and your kids are screaming.
I know how it. How does that change how you feel changes your breath right away and when your breath changes, your body changes. So we are gonna practice how to breathe to welcome in pleasure, even on days when you are stressed, even on days when you're sleep deprived, even on days where you feel like nothing is going right, I still want you to have that skill of accessing pleasure.
[00:06:54] Third secret to pleasure: foreplay
Surabhi: The next secret is going to be longer foreplay. So this is specifically for [00:07:02] any kind of sexual activity. And if you want a more powerful orgasm, you need at least, 30 minutes of foreplay. Aim for 30 minutes. Set a timer if you need to, and ask your partner or partners for a full body massage. If you're by yourself.
Give yourself a good massage from your feet to your scalp, really taking your time and focusing on giving loving attention to all of your body parts And. , give yourself time. Give yourself a good half hour. Take a warm bath. Do all of the things. Light a candle, involve your senses to really just elevate that that foreplay experience, cuz that's sometimes the best part, right?
And the more, the longer that goes on, the more aroused you're gonna feel. So if you are a vulva owner and you have a clitoris, your clitoris also gets erect just like a penis. We all know penises get erect. , most people don't even know that their clitoris also gets engorged and [00:08:02] erect when aroused. So we want that clitoris to be well aroused or engorged before then carrying forward into different types of sexual play that maybe more direct stimulation or oral stimulation or intercourse
so make sure that foreplay lasts a long time, you know, maybe before you had kids. Or maybe when you were younger, you didn't need a long foreplay. Maybe you were just always ready to go, but now life is more stressful. Maybe there's just more in your brain all the time. You know, I did a poll on Instagram recently and I asked, I, I did a post about like, how, you know, just being distracted during sex and that that was something I struggled with.
I was like, I just can't stay present. And that also has to do with a history of trauma and abuse. And you, that is something that we also need to discuss that plays a role into your sexual health, a big role. Um, and that's why therapy and [00:09:02] processing and somatic experiences are important because it's not enough to just assume that your past doesn't carry forward with you.
Your past is still a part of you. And if any part of your body is gonna remember that it's your pelvic floor, your pelvis, it's like this seed of your life, right? Like, it's like the source of life is going to remember. And so really, I learning to be present in your body is a skill. Learning to put away that distraction.
And then the stress of the day is a skill which I'm still practicing, right? It's gonna be a work in progress. It's not like, oh, checkbox, I'm just so good at it now. You're still gonna have days when you're not as good at it. And still that's, that's okay. It's just a work in progress. So that's something that can really help is that longer foreplay, cuz it gives you time to fully relax and feel present in your body, right?
Imagine you're going for an hour long massage. The first two minutes, you're not fully there. You're still like thinking about, oh yeah, I gotta do this when I get home. But the longer that massage goes [00:10:02] on, you're like, oh, you've like forgotten about it, right? So the same goes. , any other experience? If you're just sitting there and you have three minutes to eat your lunch, you're not gonna really feel like you can fully be present.
And you, some people can, cuz they practice mindfulness and they, they practice that presence as a skill. But many people just need time, right? And we can't rush these processes.
[00:10:24] Fourth secret to pleasure: belief that it's available to you
Surabhi: And then the last of the four secrets is believing that pleasure is available to you, believing that great orgasms are available to you.
And this is something. , especially for anybody who has had a history of pain, pelvic pain, pelvic floor pain, dyspareunia, which we talked about on my last solo podcast episode. If you missed it, go check it out. Um, if you have a history of pain, you might have lost hope in the fact that you know, or you might have lost hope that maybe I will never have pain-free sex.
Maybe it will always hurt, [00:11:02] and I just want you to know that. Don't lose hope. , I want you to believe that it is possible for you because if you believe in it, it will happen. If you do not believe in that though, that alone can become a huge mental block and a big barrier. So if you have a history of pain, trauma, anything that has made you feel like that's not achievable to you, just because that's how it has been in the past, I just want you to know the future is not going to be the past.
The future can be something different, and so have that belief. Hold on to your hope. Pleasure is available to you, and come join me at my workshop on February 23rd. That's a Thursday evening in Toronto time, 8:30 PM to 9:30 PM It will send you off into bed if that's what you're gonna do after, or whatever you wanna do after.
if you can't catch it live, you'll, you can catch the replay. It will be sent to you within 24 hours of the, the live, um, probably less than, but I, I said 24 hours in case there's some like [00:12:02] internet outage or just in case. Um, and I think that we all deserve great pleasure every single day. , whether it's related to sex or outside of that, and that's something that I have really been trying to cultivate is just pleasure throughout the day because that has been a powerful change.
I've been practicing meditation and mindfulness more consistently over the past year, and I have noticed that, especially because I have been, um, depressed before and I know what it feels like to not feel fully present in your body and to feel like there's no joy or like there's no. . Like when good things happen, you're supposed to feel happy, but you don't feel it in your heart.
It just feels kind of, everything's dull and I know what that feels like and I know that it takes work to feel more present and to focus on the joy and to focus on the celebration. And one thing that has really helped me personally is also [00:13:02] surrounding myself with other people who are also doing the work to.
work on themselves and to empower themselves with self-care, with, you know, anti -hustle culture, which is the byproduct of capitalism and colonialism and all of those isms, those systems that basically don't really help us or our health and so surrounding yourselves with people who are also doing the work, who also wanna step forward into a better life, into better pleasure, into better self care, into better sex.
That can be helpful. And even just having conversations even though they're uncomfortable. That has been my goal this year. I'm like, having these conversations aren't fully comfortable for me. Because if you listen to, a couple episodes ago, I talked about shame, right? And how raised in an environment that really. just puts your pelvic health as if it's just not part of your body, right? There's just so much shame around it.
So as an adult, it takes work to [00:14:02] unlearn that, and the only way you decrease the taboo and the shame feelings around it is by talking about it. So, here is my reminder to you. You deserve pleasure.
I just shared four secrets. There's a lot more secrets I'm gonna be sharing with you during the live, uh, workshop, and I hope that you'll join me www.thepassionatephysio.ca. Um, that will take you to my website and right on the main page. You'll see a blurb up top to prompt you to join in on my workshop February 23rd.
That's a Thursday. I have a friend in Australia joining it is Friday afternoon, so kids' nap time, kind of works out perfectly for her too. Um, and here's to more joy, pleasure, and orgasms in your life.[00:15:02] [00:16:02]
