60. Pregnancy, motherhood & the maternal crisis with Dr Nidhi Sharma
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Join Surabhi Veitch as she sits down with Dr Nidhi Sharma to discuss the journey into motherhood, Nidhi’s identity crisis as an immigrant and the most important thing to do before becoming a parent.
We discuss:
Nidhi's Journey into Pelvic Physiotherapy
Transitioning from Pregnancy to Motherhood
Moving to the USA from India
Finding Community Away From Home
Maternity Benefits & Support in the US
Postpartum Depression & High Maternal Death Rates in the US
Mat Leave in India
How Motherhood Changes a Person
Patient Advocacy
Nidhi Sharma Bio:
Nidhi Sharma has been a physiotherapist for 15 years and is a board-certified women’s health and orthopedic specialist in New York. Originally born in India, she now lives in New York with her husband and two-year-old son.
Connect with Nidhi & Important Links:
Follow Nidhi on Instagram @pelvis.andbeyond
Find Nidhi at: www.pelvisandbeyond.org
Connect with Nidhi: nidhisharmadpt@gmail.com
Nidhi treats in person patients in Westchester NY and virtual worldwide.
Connect with Surabhi:
Website: https://www.thepassionatephysio.ca
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Please note that the timestamps are slightly off as the podcast teaser and intro music occur before the start of the episode.
Surabhi: [00:00:00] Hi everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Mom Strength. I'm your host Surabhi Veitch and I'm really excited to have on Nidhi Sharma today. So Nidhi and I connected in on social media on Instagram, like everyone connects these days. It's like the online, online dating, online friendships of the future, right?
Guest Introduction
Surabhi: And so she's a pt, physical therapist of 15 years. She's board certified, uh, women's health and orthopedic specialist. She's passionate about pelvic health, uh, because she needed pelvic PT herself and that changed her life. She's also a mom to a two-year-old son. We have, our sons are basically the same age.
They're like a month apart, pandemic babies. Um, and I not only love her content. And like her content's top-notch, like every, the education, you know, so, so much detail, so much passion behind it. But also she's real, like she's a real human being where you feel, like she's not judging you if you have these symptoms or you know, she really just gets it.
And I feel like that is rare in the medical, healthcare professional [00:01:00] professions these days. She lives in New York and I'm so, so excited to have her on. Hi Nidhi, welcome.
Nidhi: Hi Surabhi thank you so much for having me here. So excited to talk to you. I love your account. I am like addicted to your stories. I go every morning and it's like, what did Surabhi do today?
And so, I mean, and that's, I know that takes a lot of work, that take a lot of effort to write all that and put it out there. And I really appreciate you connecting with people. Cause your stories are totally like they make my day.
Surabhi: Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. That that means a lot. And you know, you sometimes you, you know this from being on social media, it's very one-sided sometimes cuz you are, you are the one putting things out.
And I'm like, this is what it must feel like for people who make movies. Cuz they're like, this movie's awesome, I'm gonna put it out. And you're like, I don't know what people are doing. Are they watching it? And so it's the same thing, right? You're putting it out and you're like, I hope the people who need to hear this hear it and you know, that you connect with.
And, um, I don't know how, how long have you been on social media?
Nidhi: [00:02:00] 2000, I wanna say 16 or 17 maybe. Ok. But it's a bit, I wasn't so active like when I gave birth and for the year after, I was like, oh, I'm gonna just never work again. This is never gonna work out. I'm gonna just like sit here in my bed all my life.
But then I sort of emerged from there at one year postpartum. So I have like a one year gap gap.
Nidhi's Journey into Pelvic Physiotherapy
Surabhi: Yeah. Yeah. Nice. So tell me about your, um, journey into pelvic pt. So what brought you, what, what made you passionate to become a physiotherapist and work in pelvic health?
Nidhi: So I, um, I had a tailbone fracture.
Well, I fell on my, uh, tailbone when I was in India, uh, in 2000, I think it was six. And then at that time I had tailbone pain and I went to like a million doctors. I couldn't sit for like a year. It was awful. Wow. Um, and then, you know, nothing, nothing, nothing. You can't do [00:03:00] anything. And then eventually sort of developed into pelvic pain.
It sort of, uh, started having very severe menstrual cramps. Uh, like it sort of started to spread out from tailbone. And in the process there, I, within that year, I moved to US. This is my year, and this is 2007. Okay. I moved to Texas for my master's. I did my master's and then I went to practice pt and like 4, 3, 4 years I was in pain more or like, you know, some days, some months were better and they would come back and eventually tailbone pain kind of became like a menstrual pelvic sort of pain.
Yeah. And um, I found pelvic pt. From a course somebody was mentioning Tailbone is connected to pelvic was like, what? How did I not know this? How did I not know that happened? That is there like we are pt
Surabhi: I was gonna say [00:04:00] for this is what, for those you listen. Who go to see an orthopedic physio cuz I was an orthopedic.
I still am an orthopedic physio, but I was true for people who, um, this is what we learn. We just learned that the tailbone, if you fracture it, there's nothing you can do about it anyway. So you just have to let it heal. Like literally. That's all we learn about tailbone pain and fractures and that's so bad.
You know, like there's so many people with tailbone pain like yourself. Um, You know, who are just dealing with it until they find pelvic physio.
Nidhi: Exactly. So I was three years in as an orthopedic pt, and then eventually somebody mentioned, you know, sometimes like tailbone pain can cause menstrual pain, can cause pelvic pain because pelvic floor is attached.
I, I heard it in a course and my lights went. I was like, what? How is this possible? So I ended up going to a pelvic floor pt. And like for after I had also fractured, fractured my table one more time for, you know, just for the extra fun. Yeah. [00:05:00] Wasn't enough. So in 2011 and then when I finally went to pt, I had so much dysfunction in my pelvic floor from years of, uh, tailbone pain and pelvic flow tightness.
I was starting to develop urinary incontinence, urgent incontinence, overactive bladder, like it all stemmed from tailbone, but became this whole pelvic like, multiple symptom thing. And I went there twice and I was so much better already that I signed up for a course. I was like, I need to go to a course and find out all about this.
Yeah. And that said, that's from there on, I was like, I was also seeing a lot of postpartum patients in my practice. The clinic I worked at just so happened to be in the building with an ob gyn office. Mm-hmm. So they were sending us pubic synthesis pain, si joint pain, like orthopedic diagnosis. But we know those orthopedic diagnosis have pelvic floor behind them many times.
Yeah. So I also wanted to help those [00:06:00] patients. So I kind of just kept going. And then
Surabhi: Nice. We're, and when did you move to New York?
Nidhi: Uh, 2000 soon after I graduated from Texas, and then I moved to New York to practice.
Surabhi: Nice, nice. So you've been in, um, pelvic Health since? Yes.
Transitioning Pregnancy to Motherhood
Surabhi: And tell me about your own transition to motherhood through pregnancy as somebody who kind of knows this information beforehand.
Because I, I didn't know anything about pelvic floor till my, after my first postpartum experience. And I was like, I don't know any of this. I need to learn this because, I'm a physio. I've, I was a physio for seven years as in orthopedics and I still didn't know anything. And, um, goes to show you how much there is to how much there is missed when we just ignore the pelvis and the pelvic floor.
Nidhi: Yep. And, and like even today, orthopedic physios, OTs like people don't know. Um, so I knew I had been, uh, my practice has primarily been postpartum, had primarily been [00:07:00] postpartum. I wasn't really treating pelvic pain, just the population I was having. So I was seeing pregnant women in and out for years before I got pregnant.
Um,
honestly made me a little scared to get pregnant cause I was like always seeing dysfunctions.
Surabhi: The worst case scenarios too, the Yeah. Day after day.
Nidhi: So, So it helped me, I think I, I had taken doula courses. I had taken a lot of intrapartum courses, postpartum course. I had taken everything I could find to prepare.
Um, but ultimately, pandemic happened. Like you, we couldn't really get the, you know, this also, we couldn't really get the support we needed. We couldn't really have. I couldn't have a midwife. I was a high risk, uh, pregnancy. Couldn't really have a doula, couldn't really have that much choice in which hospital to go to.
But, um, I think still I had a very long labor and a very difficult delivery and a high grade tear. I had a grade three tear and uh, [00:08:00] an actual internal vaginal tear, which is rare. But even then, even all of those things, I didn't come out of it feeling traumatized. And I think that says a lot because, um, when we're informed and we're planning and we're, we're properly, um, you know, app appreciating things that are going right and the things that may go wrong, um, we, I think we are just in a better place.
I didn't think, oh, wish I had known this. I wish I had prepared for it cause I did. And you know, What I, it is what it is after in the end. , and my outcomes I think are better. Because I was on it, I knew that I would throw it third grade degree tear. I'm more prone to having painful sex. I'm more prone to having leakage incontinence.
So I was on it, during my postpartum period and thankfully I haven't, I don't have any long-term, symptoms at this point. So, As much [00:09:00] as I think the, to some degree, it made me a little bit of a control freak cuz I wanted to control everything. Cause I knew everything. But like farther I progressed into pregnancy, I kind of saw that, you know, things don't really work your way.
Like I developed diabetes, I developed other things. There are complications coming along throughout the pregnancy. So it kind of prepared me for the labor that, oh, things
Surabhi: will, this may not work. Yeah. And you know, I love that you brought that up. People assume that because you're a physio, you are, you, everything's perfect for you, right?
Oh, you know everything already and you're like, you can know all, I always say cardiac surgeons get heart disease too, right? Like you can know all the things, but sometimes this is just how, what happens during pregnancy or birth. Um, but I love that. We assume that if you have this degree tearing, that's gonna lead to a tra traumatic experience, but the experience of trauma is based on how you feel.
I, I have clients with no tears who have a traumatic birth experience because of how they were treated. [00:10:00] Lack of consent, lack of respect, um, you know, racialized commentary, like, there's so many ways to experience trauma, and I think that's an important, uh, reminder that when you're well educated and prepared going into birth, even if things happen not your way, um, it hopefully prevents that feeling of birthing being a traumatic experience for you.
Nidhi: Yeah, I think I, I always say this to my patients, birth injury and birth trauma are not same things. I think I have a post about this too, that, you know, birth trauma, like you said, are, is a lot about how you feel emotionally in the process, which is, it's a very emotional process to go through anyways during birth and postpartum
and while birth injury is a physical thing, as hard as it is, it's physical and we can, uh, we can. Sort of make peace with that and work around it if our emotions are in the right place. So I think that's kinda what helped me get through my traumatic birth. Could [00:11:00] have in traumatic birth during pandemic.
Surabhi: Yeah. And maybe physically traumatic, but not mentally or emotionally. Traumatic. Traumatic, yeah. In the same way. And during the pandemic, and I have to say this. Like huge respect to you as a first time mother during the pandemic in New York? We know New York had, like, it was very high cases of Covid there.
Um, it was my second baby during the pandemic, so for me it was a lot easier because I, I kind of knew going into it what to expect out of pregnancy and pan like mother.
Nidhi: But you also had a toddler, you also had a baby at home? I did,
Surabhi: yeah. I had a, she was 24 months, 25. 26 months, I think when my son was born almost.
And um, she was at home. I was working virtually. It was like looking back, it was survival mode for like two years. It kind of still is, right? Like in many ways we're still working through this. Um, and it is, it is hard. So tell me about your. Postpartum recovery. And I know, I know you grew up in India, right?
So your [00:12:00] childhood, your adolescence is in India. I left India when I was eight. I lived in Bahrain till I was 10. I moved to Canada when I was 10, so a lot of my, like youth was in Canada. So for me, I feel like I'm like this mixed, you know, where do I belong? Right? I, I kind of feel like I belong in two places.
For you, you, your youth and your childhood was all in India when you came to the US. How was that transition for you as a person, as a student, and then as a mother? Yeah. Um,
Moving to the US from India
Nidhi: I was 23 when I came here was, not easy. Also because, you know, I was 23, so I was, expecting them. I can manage it. You know, I'm, I'm like an adult, I can do things.
So I came here with not, , not a, any support system in place. Not that I couldn't have, but I didn't even try to have, I thought I'll figure it out when I get there. So, I landed in Texas when I was 23. I was supposed to start graduate school in 10 days, , and [00:13:00] literally could not understand a single word anyone was saying.
That accent,
It's also Texas right? I like, it's like you should have gone to New York or something with a little, uh, you know, lesser accent Texas accent is something. Yeah. So, Accent was difficult. Food was difficult. I was a vegetarian. Um, I still kind of am, but I was really a vegetarian. I didn't know food. I didn't know, I really didn't know anything.
So first couple of years were really, Kind of formative in a new way. Like I was 14 again. Yeah. And I had to figure out and, you know, be embarrassed and be brave and be depressed and be happy. Like, you know, all these emotions that you go through when you kinda discover your world. And I was discovering my world again. , and you know, as I get, as I graduated school and then I came to practice, it was like a different, completely different feeling. I was. [00:14:00] Um, I moved to New York and, uh, at that time I was like, okay, I'm this person from like, India with like, kind of an accent. I don't have that much accent anymore. Um, or less accent.
I didn't try to, to like change my accent thing just over the years talking to people it has. Um, but I was thinking that, you know, I am going to be in the service based industry talking to people and what if they can't understand me? What if I can't understand them? Fortunately, New York is a very multicultural place and a very accepting, and a very, I think fair place to be honest.
So it was, easier than I thought it would be. And my accent wasn't as bad as I thought. Just, uh, you know, there was progress from there. And, like past 10 years have been pretty stable in New York. when I had my baby, that kind of changed everything in a way that, he's American and I am not, or I'm still [00:15:00] not.
Um, and he has an accent, like he's starting to speak now and his accent is already different than mine. And accents are not big things, but they're like things that you hear, yes. Every day. Cause sometimes I'll say a word and he'll say that word. Exactly. Exact same word differently. Yeah. Um, and that happened when we went to India, recently went to India for the first time, and there was this like a little gap between his cousin saying things and him saying things.
And that kind of brought about all these feelings about, that time when I didn't belong anymore. Like I, there was a time where I wasn't Indian anymore. Cause like I couldn't go to India and start living in India in 2014. That wasn't gonna happen either. Yeah. But I wasn't comfortable living alone in Texas.
And at any point, so yeah. I had to like kind of go through this really tough period of figuring out like, okay, if I'm not Indian and I'm not American, then who am [00:16:00] I? And kind of go beyond the nationality and beyond your race and beyond everything to sort of figure out who you are. You are this person.
Yeah. Like who really are. And I think that's, um, that's something that my son will go through, which kind of gives me a little anxiety, um, that, but, but at the end it has helped me. I think it has made me a better person. , and living in New York, I'm thankful that I'm in New York. I think New York is very, um, very fun place to be at, to be doing these things.
And probably a more supportive place than many other places in this country.
Surabhi: Absolutely. And like when you're talking, I just see courage like every step of the way. Like truly, when I think about myself at 23, like 23 year olds, they're adults technically, but they're also kids. Like until you're like 25, 26, like you're still in that adolescence phase in many ways.
And there's this myth I always, you know, whenever I go back to India, they're like, do you like [00:17:00] India, Canada better? And they think Canada US is like this. You know, everything is Hollywood, beautiful, rich, wealthy. Life is gonna be so much better there. And I always say, I'm like, it's not for a lot of immigrants, it's gonna be a lot harder for a lot longer.
It's better in many ways. There's opportunities in different ways, but it's not this like, oh, you just show up and everything's easy. And I think that's important to note for people who are from here who don't recognize the the hard work and the courage it takes for an immigrant moving as an adult stepping out of your comfort zone.
Studying in Texas of all places. Like, you know, I'm just amazed with you. Like that's, I think that's huge and, um, you know, what you're talking about with your son and his accent. I feel that too because my family's like, my kids are biracial. My husband's white, so I feel I. I've had to reckon with the fact that my kids are not actually Indian.
They're mixed, you know, they're biracial and I keep thinking of them as like little me's and I'm like, they're not little me's. [00:18:00] And they, they won't ever have that life experience that I had growing up in India. So for them, I really have to intentionally teach them Indian culture, not just by eating the food, but like, Actually intentionally seeking out experiences wearing the clothes more often.
Like for me, it's this big realization I've had in the past year is that they're not gonna learn to be Indian or about Indian culture just because I'm Indian, because the language, they're not learning in the same way. Like we'll sign them up for language classes and stuff, but even the accent, like I'm famil, right?
So you say Patti for grandma. And my daughter used to say Patti, and then she changed it to Patti and. Just like six months ago, and I'm like, no, no, it's Patti. And she's like, Patti. And I'm like, it's different PA and pa. But even that, just that subtle difference in accent, she's picking up from the kids at daycare.
And so I'm like now really intentional about teaching like the right way, the Indian way to say certain words that are Indian because otherwise they're [00:19:00] gonna grow up saying, Himalayas and you know, Namaste. Yeah. Chai tea. And I'm like, no, you have to be the one correcting your friends because you know the right way to do it.
And um, yeah, the identity, they're gonna be dealing with their own identity, like, Reckoning with who they are.
Nidhi: Um, exactly. And, and you know, we can under, we can't help them, but we really can't. Cause Cause we're not, we're not them.
Surabhi: I was never born here. Yeah. I'll never understand what it's like to be Canadian in that same way.
Um, but because I went through puberty here, like I have less of an accent. I have, I've been here for longer. Right. Um, yeah. But it is, it is hard and I, I just think that my, our kids are gonna be so proud of us. I, that, that's what I'm visualizing is um, cuz now as an adult I can be so proud of my parents for immigrating and cuz they went through the same thing when they were 40 and 45.
Right? When they were already settled. They were already well enough in India. They came here for a better life and they struggled for many, like [00:20:00] for over a decade. And yeah, people don't see that.
Nidhi: It gets harder. Yeah, it gets harder as you, uh, as you. You leave, uh, a more stable place mm-hmm. In, in, like in India and you come to a more unstable place here.
So it's
Surabhi: tough. That's, and that's such a myth that people, people think everyone leaves for because they're in a war zone or like a refugee. And I'm like, a lot of people are leaving really good cushy lives with supports like maids and, you know, help around the home and community to come here without community.
So do you have community in New York in terms of family or, you know,
Finding Community Away From Home
Surabhi: What is your community like in New York now?
Nidhi: I don't have any, uh, family. We don't, my husband's family and my family, hundred percent of our family is in India. We both came alone as students here, um, separately of course, but, uh, My friends have been, thankfully, one of my childhood friends and one of his childhood friends had ended up in New York.[00:21:00]
That's awesome. So, yeah, so we're like, one of my friends I grew up with from Delhi and one of his friends he grew up with, um, so there are family, they're, you know, and our group, like they, a close group of four, five people who are, are family. And at this point, you know, we, uh, we can call upon them for anything that I would call upon for family.
I think what I, what I, I don't, I miss family of course, but I don't miss miss support cuz I have support. What I miss for my, what I miss is for my child, for, um, Hasan to have grandparents, like, you know, to sometimes, um, go to his grandparents or spend time with his grandparents. He was there, he was so happy.
He did not wanna come back. Yeah. Uh, from India. And he was like, he was, he went there. I was like, he. Like adjustment time. He had no adjustment time. It was like in three hours he was like, I'm here.
Surabhi: Comfortable. Yeah. And I love that. I love that you brought him when he's young, like [00:22:00] to let him experience India because it's, that's, we haven't taken the kids yet and that's something I, we want to go in 2020 and then it didn't work out.
And, and I'm like 20, 23. We are going, because again, if the kids, I, I know a lot of Indian people who grew up here, they've never been to India, and their ties to Indian culture is, Less because they just don't go. Uh, and they've never experienced the culture there. So I think it's amazing that you took him and, um, I hope that he gets more time with his grandparents because you're right, there's a special, it's a different relationship with your grandparents than it is with your parents.
And they spoil you in with love and, you know, affection in different ways. So,
Nidhi: yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, one of the reason we get to go to India is because literally all our family in India, so we can't, it's, it's a problem, but it's also a solution because then that makes us go to India every year.
Yeah, yeah. We would just go cuz we can't not see them. Yeah. Cannot see anyone ever.
Surabhi: And that's the thing, my parents are here, my brother, [00:23:00] so. We don't have as much of a drive to go. Like all my cousins and stuff are in India, but I also have family in the us. I also have family. I don't have any other family in Canada, but my immediate family is here.
So there's less of an incentive, I guess, or, or push to go, go back, um, to India. Um, tell me about the,
Maternity Benefits & Support in the US
Surabhi: tell me how about how it is in America? Cause I'm in Canada and is it, is different the support for mother, how? Tell me about the maternal system in the US and how MAT leave and the support for moms works or doesn't work.
Nidhi: It's, um, it's non-existing. , I mean, I think US has been in news enough for this. We are one of the, I don't know, five countries or something in the world with no paid maternity. We have no system in place whatsoever to help any mother, financially, socially, emotionally. Like, it's just, it's, it's so bad that I cannot imagine that a country [00:24:00] as big and as successful as US is, is doing this.
It's insane. It's just insane. It's beyond me. Um, so. We have, I, I think four weeks of only six weeks of maternity leave. But there's, but not paid. So you're not required to pay. So if you will look at statistics, one in four people go back to work in two weeks because people can't live without pay for more than two weeks, especially when you have a child.
What are you gonna do? Um, and um, I dunno, like 20% women go to work after the weekend. I had a patient who went to work, she had a Cesarean on Thursday, and the reason she had a Cesarean was because she was like, I can schedule it after Workday. Oh my gosh. And then she had a Cesarean on Thursday and she went back to work on Monday.
Surabhi: That's like the [00:25:00] Capitalistic Productivity Society where you're literally worth. Only when you're like working, you're valuable, whatever. Yeah. Whatever money you make, whatever money you make. Yeah. And I think it's really unfortunate, and I think actually that is why so many women even struggle postpartum with postpartum healing.
Because if you have time to let your pelvic floor and core and everything heal, it will get stronger and it will get better. But when you don't have the time to rest, to not be sitting at a desk all day or standing on your feet all day, for some people who are working, um, it's not gonna heal optimally.
And then you're dealing with like the consequences of. There, you know, all the dysfunctions and the issues down the road. And I think it's so, um, that needs to be changed. Like there's an urgent need for that to be better. In Canada, I, we, we, we can complain about can Canadian things, but that part is better.
We have 18 months unpaid and if you have employment insurance through the government, you can get like, A bit of money each week, which is, um, not enough for people who live in the city like me, but [00:26:00] for people who live in a smaller town or city, that that would be a good, you know, good, uh, income. So people who wanna move to Canada welcome.
Uh, but yeah, it is, it is really hard and I thank you for bringing that up and sharing that because people sometimes, Find it hard to talk openly about motherhood and it's challenges that aren't, not directly because of parenting, it's because of the social systems that we live in. Um,
Postpartum Depression & High Maternal Death Rates in the US
Nidhi: I mean, US is, uh, is one of the highest postpartum depression rates.
We have one of the highest, uh, maternal death rates, like, of not, uh, not related to the actual delivery, but complications, past delivery. Yeah. Uh, we have, uh, the lowest school enrollment rates, like college enrollment rates. So like, we're not doing our kids any good because. If parents are absent, pa yes, kids are not gonna do that well.
Right? So after all of [00:27:00] this is said and done, where it's the kids who are suffering, of course women are suffering the whole time, but kids are suffering because you have this, uh, you have this really strong system in place, really forceful system to get the parents back to work. And like the, the whole sleep training industry.
I'm not, I'm not dissing sleep training. Sleep training can work for many people, but a lot of people are forced to sleep, train. Yeah. They don't have an option cause they have to go to work. Yeah. Um, when I was thinking of going back to work three months postpartum, there was no way I could do it if I didn't sleep, train.
Like I didn't, whether if sleep, train, work, training works for me. That's cool. But if it doesn't work for me, I still have to do it because I have to go to work. Yeah. Um, I ended up not gonna work because my husband really makes enough money and I'm thankful for that. And that also is like only six months or eight months in my life that ha I have been completely dependent on another human being.
[00:28:00] Like I have grown up to be independent and yeah. You know, I'm, it's like a, we're a happy marriage and everything, but you see that if you leave a woman without pay for six months, you are reinforcing the patriarchy that already exists in the society because she will be dependent on that person for Yeah.
All of that time.
Surabhi: Yeah, I felt that too. And it's, it's weird when you're like, I'm financially independent, and then suddenly you're like, I'm at home. And that work of parent of mothering is. There's no money that can like equate how much work that is. But at the same time when mo mothers are not even getting any assistance from the government, any assistance financially, um, it's not right.
Like it's, and you know that. The, the whole maternal, death rates and depression rates, it makes sense. You know, we're, and we're, we're trying to deal with the bandaid solutions of like, oh, we need to deal with the depression. We also need to deal with the causes of why mothers are burnt out, overworked.
And then, you're right, the [00:29:00] kids end up with the consequences as well. The aftermath of, you know, not having parents as present parents who are stressed all the time, working all the time. And, um, You know, ultimately I feel like they just want uneducated society. They want uneducated, you know, unsupported.
They want people to just be robot workers. Yeah. Because if it's a smart, if it's a smart, educated community, they're gonna be speaking out against the stuff. Um, they're
Nidhi: speaking out against the capitalism where, where wealth is getting, uh, more and more concentrated. Exactly.
Surabhi: So I know, yeah. Thank you for sharing that and for speaking out against that.
Cause I've seen articles that you've written even about motherhood and I think it's so evident that you're passionate about this and you can bring a perspective that is different because it is different in India.
Mat Leave in India
Surabhi: How is it in India? Do you know what the maternal like mat leave? Is it state dependent? How is it there?
Nidhi: Yeah, it's um, it's amazing. I think it's one year of paid and two years of partially paid. [00:30:00] It's insane. Wow. Uh, I think one year, completely paid in another year. Partially paid, which you can use. We don't have to use in first two years. You can use in first five years. So like you can what? That's amazing.
Yeah. So if the child is having a hard time, you can like take three months when they're two years old instead of, you know,
Surabhi: all of the first two
Nidhi: years. First five years and which makes a lot of sense. First five years of form before they go back, before they enter school. And then things a little bit stable.
And I see this like, oh my God, it makes so much sense because for first three years they're sick. They're so sick all the time.
Surabhi: They're sick all the time. Yeah. First. So yeah, first three years for sure. Cuz my daughter's now four and a half. She gets sick, way less. And if she gets sick, it's like a day.
Whereas like my son, he's like got permanent runny nose. I'm like, this kid like constantly just get, gets the next thing just as he is getting better, gets exposed again. And um, you know, people often say the first few weeks are the hardest postpartum and in many ways yes cuz you're healing. But I [00:31:00] actually think it's like, When they're older is also hard.
Like, you know, it's just hard in a different way. And, um, the support for new mothers, it's like it stops at six weeks or like stops at three months. I'm like, mothers need support all the way through, you know? And especially those at least two years postpartum. Yeah. At least those first couple years.
Exactly. Me about what is, I wanted to ask you a question. . Tell me about that article that you wrote about. Motherhood because I, I think you ha, you share some really powerful insights about motherhood.
How Motherhood Changes a Person
Surabhi: How has motherhood changed you?
Nidhi: I think it has given me a lot of perspective, um, in terms of, um, I guess priorities.
Like I was a very, um, almost tunnel visioned person before I'm having a child. Cause I was. I was very, very driven and I still am very passionate about physical therapy, but I was very driven to, you know, do all the courses and take all the certifications and I [00:32:00] was absent every month for some course somewhere.
And, since I had the baby, it's kind of like, I think it, it changed me physically and kind of reminded me that all the things that I learned, I can apply but also realize that they are not enough. There's like this emotional, there is there, there's so many things that are underneath the body that will affect the body that you just really can't learn in courses and you have to look at person.
And I started to look at myself as a person versus a body. Yeah. Um, you know, like a physical body that I want to study. , and, uh, didn't like I recently last week took my first in-person course in like two and a half years. It was also covid, so like that was part of it, but like,
Surabhi: which kinda helped I think because it took the pressure off of, I agree.
I took all the courses, all the things, and. Having kids kind of was like, wait a second. I'm not just a person who studies and puts out information and content for [00:33:00] other people. I'm also a human being myself, and it's kind of like giving that respect. I was like, I was respect respecting my kid so much, making sure she ate at, you know, on time, slept, got all love tender, love she needed.
And I'm like, I wasn't giving myself that. And it kind of opened my eyes to how we treat ourselves, especially as women. And also I think as immigrants we're working hard, we wanna prove ourselves. Um, and it's that all the time, that colonized approach too of like the hustle culture and uh, almost that stem of like, Needing all the titles, needing all the certifications to prove our worth.
Right. And I, I was like, oh, wait a second. Like, I didn't need to do all that and I still don't need to do all that. So it's, it's been cool to see that you've learned that through that process as well. And, um, yeah. Yeah. It doesn't mean we're less valuable physios or less passionate. In our jobs and our, in our careers.
Uh, [00:34:00] because I think sometimes it's seen that way when mothers change post children, they're seen as less valuable in the workplace. Less dedicated in the workplace, but, and it's seen as a bad thing because obviously it always centers that Capitalistic society. Productivity. Yeah, product productivity.
Right. And so it's nice to, Not have that like, and see, see others actually self, self appreciate, like, appreciate themselves, you know, and value themselves. Yeah. Um, okay. What kind of work do you do now? Who do you see? Because you mentioned you work with a lot of postpartum folks. Do you still work with a lot of postpartum folks?
Nidhi: I do, I love work with a lot of postpartum folks, but I have, um, a decent bit of pelvic pain, uh, while pain and sort of endometriosis, interstitial and all those things in my caseload cuz I see people, um, uh, in person. And where in New York are you? Midtown. We, [00:35:00] well, we have two clinics. I am slightly north of, um, Midtown of, uh, Manhattan in Westchester.
It's like a train right away. So I'm, we have a clinic there. That's where I live, so I try to practice there more in Westchester County. But we have a clinic in Midtown as well. I mean, it's just a train right away, so it's not a big deal. Nice. Um, And, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm working full-time now and like juggling all the things.
Sometimes I wish, and I might do this in, uh, soon, in future, to just sort of cut down on hours on, sort of do less and practice doing less and see, um, how, you know, how things change when you do less. And you end up doing more. I dunno how else to say this. Like you
Surabhi: I agree. Yeah. Yeah. I work less, I work less hours now and I still feel like it's busy.
It's not like I'm like, oh, I have all this free time, but I have more time for self-care. I think that's what it, what it is and for so that when I pick up the kids, I'm not like, I [00:36:00] used to show up so stressed like all the time. Always go, go, go. No breaks, nothing. And then I started having an hour in between when I finished with patients and picked up the the kiddo.
So instead of directly from here to here, I had that gap. Just a transition. We give our kids transition time. We forget to give ourselves transition
Nidhi: time. That is so true. That is so true. Yeah. So I do that. I gave that half hour to before the train, but I'm not gonna gonna get in train right away. I'm gonna just sit there for 15 minutes and not do anything.
Surabhi: Exactly. And unwind. Yeah. And you, you see men too, in your practice, right? I, or people do. I do, yeah. And I think that's, that's important too, cuz a lot of people don't realize that. Men have pelvic floor issues too, and there's help for men too. And so if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, you know, my partner or brother or spouse or somebody else, you know, has pelvic floor symptoms, pain issues, urinary symptoms, urinary urgencies, there is help for [00:37:00] that too.
In person and in virtually too, in spaces. So tell me, I have some, final thoughts. I have some questions about yourself. Uh, I've talked about you, we've talked about you, but these are like other questions that help us get to know you in a different way. Tell me about a podcast or book that has been life changing for you.
Nidhi: Oh boy. Okay. A podcast or a book
Surabhi: or just really powerful. Doesn't have to be life changing, but something that's like, I love this book. Or, you know, it's been. Or, or podcast if you listen to podcasts or read books. I should have asked that first.
Nidhi: Yeah. No, I do both. I don't do the both nearly as much as I did before.
I know before, um, um, as you are probably is the, the book that I would say. I also have a book by . I do not remember the name. I'll, I'll text you later, so maybe you can put it in show notes. I'll share it in the show
Surabhi: notes.
Nidhi: Yeah. Um, there was a chapter about childhood in there, how to raise children. And you know, I was just [00:38:00] reading it as when I was not, uh, pregnant.
Um, I was not a mother. And one of the things they said, um, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna paraphrase it and not do a good job, but still, um, it said something like, you know, the only way you can. Only thing you can do to raise your kids well or to help your kids become, you know, good human beings or whatever they're supposed to become, is to work on yourself.
Yeah. Is to agreed, you know, if you are planning to get pregnant or become a mother, or become a father, and you are thinking, oh, I should, what should I do? What courses, what? Like what, what program should you sign up for? Yeah. Then the pro program probably is like, uh, you know, look into your mental health and look into your physical health and cause theyll become who you, who you truly are.
They will become who you truly are, whether you want. Um, and then they will be a mix of, you know, all the [00:39:00] people that they're
Surabhi: around surrounded with. Yeah.
Nidhi: That's only thing you can control. Other than that, you cannot teach them anything. And I think that really stuck with me with, with, you know, that's when I wanted like, okay, I have to work on myself.
I have to, yeah. That's the only thing. And I, I'll, I don't not remember the name of the book, but I'll tell
Surabhi: you Couple Gupta and I, I would love to hear that book and I completely agree with that sentiment. Um, personally, like, because my daughter's now four. I see it because there's times where I'm getting, trying to get her to go to bed and she's like, mama, I know you were up really late.
Why were you working so late? And I'm like, here I am trying to enforce these things that are good for her health. And she's calling me out on things that I'm doing that isn't good for my health. But that's because we've talked about it and the importance of this. And I tell, I tell her, and I said, you know what?
Mommy has practiced this way for a very long time, where she stayed up really late. Overworked. Overworked. And it's a hard habit to change, [00:40:00] but I'm working on it. And so she learns that I'm also human and. It's, it's an overworked, I, it's again, again, a complete habit that I've learned over years of trying to, again, as an immigrant, trying to prove my worth, trying to prove that I'm good enough.
And, um, you know, as a parent I'm like, oh, this is work. Therapy's the best thing for me. That, that I've started in the past year and a bit. It's just been eye-opening that so many things that. Um, we get upset about that our kids do, is it's just about ourselves and, you know, absolutely, yeah. Completely agree with that.
What I wish that I did in pregnancy was start therapy and start really looking at my own habits and why I do things a certain way. Um, I used to treat myself like a robot. Kind of similar to kind of when you were talking, I, I kind of really felt that is courses all the time, worked all the time, took an extra job at the hospital, didn't need to do all that.
I was just, Doing it all and, um, never stopping to breathe or rest. And if you're pregnant or postpartum, just recognize that that's not a [00:41:00] sustainable way to be. And um, please do share that book with me so I can share it in the show notes cuz I think it's gonna be a powerful one. Um, so what are three things that you do for yourself every day for self-care rituals that you like doing that kind of help you feel taken care of?
Nidhi: Okay, I will, um, I work out every day. Sometimes that workout just looks like breath work. Sometimes that workout looks like lifting, sometimes yoga. But I do set up, I do get on my mat, um, and some days when my baby is sick and I cannot get on my mat, I'll lay next to him and I do something. So, I really, really try to, uh, to be very, very accountable to myself for doing that.
And that can look like three minutes. It can look like an hour, but it'll happen. Love it. Um, and uh, the second is I have, um, I will never skip breakfast, so that's something I used to do a lot. So I really made it a point that not skipping breakfast, uh, even [00:42:00] if. Whatever is happening around me, I will still eat.
Um, it's funny that my husband knows that now. Yeah. So he is, like, some days he knows that I'm gonna be busy in the morning, or if I'm sleeping late and he's up, he'll make me breakfast. I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose it if I don't have breakfast. And I, um, I sleep more than eight hours every day, which is a big feat for me, having, having lived all my life.
Like, I don't know, from like 10 standard? Yeah. Living on like six hours and then two, like in my head, I convince myself that if I'm feeling okay at six hours, then I should be okay. It's only now that I feel like, oh, eight hours sleep. If I don't get it, then I can tell that I'm gonna break out in two days, or I'm gonna get, I'm more likely to get sick, like all those things.
So, um, Sleep, exercise, and, uh, breakfast. Breakfast. Those are things, those
Surabhi: are all my, those are all goals for me. The breakfast every morning, [00:43:00] I, same. I never used to eat breakfast and thought I was okay, and now I'm like trying to be more intentional and sleep. Thank you for speaking on that because I, uh, think a lot of people just think that they are, they can handle it.
I, I don't have as many sleep needs and I said, until you actually give yourself the sleep that your body needs, you don't realize that you're always working Subpar. That's why you're always stressed. That's why you're always responding to things a certain way. That's why your nervous system is like clenched all the time.
You know, it's like give your body what it needs and it will start to heal.
Nidhi: Um, especially motherhood. Like if you are finding yourself very triggered by what kids are doing. Um, or like how imperfect, like how everything gets thrown around all the time, right? You're trying to plan something and then that's just not what happens if you don't, if you, you'll see that you'll handle it better.
Like you just have to see it. There's no way to explain it. You just have to see it'll. And
Surabhi: for me, for me, that's going to bed earlier because my kids wake up [00:44:00] early. So if I don't, if I don't get my butt to bed earlier, like last night I was wired after we had the, a melanated pelvic floor PT chat, I was kind of wired, you know, I was working later.
So I went to bed later. And then luckily I slept in this morning cuz my husband is amazing and does mornings most of the time because I'm not a morning person. But, um, yeah, I, I really do find that. Postpartum sometimes is out of our control. Your baby's gonna wanna wake through the night to eat, to cuddle, but once you're out of that phase, really trying to honor that sleep.
Um, so thank you for that reminder. I will, that's a mental note for myself. Uh, nith, tell me something you're passionate about right now. Um,
Nidhi: doesn't have to, you know, my pa Yeah. My passion has always been to, uh, Ask patients to speak for themselves. And I, I think my Instagram or social media on my blog, all the places that I write has been, um, driving towards that to like, you know, advocate for [00:45:00] yourself and advocating for yourself doesn't just mean that you have to like, know all the things or question your doctor, but also means to prioritize your health.
Like, how, how do you, I had a conversation yesterday with a patient and she was like, Um, how long is this going to take or how do I, like, I don't know if this is working. I was like, it's going to take as long it's going take. Yeah. Right. And I, I would never have said that eight, five years ago, cuz like we came to babies, was like, oh, you have to get patient to buy into the program.
Tell them that you're gonna get better. It's like, I want you to come from a place where you. Honor your body and you want to understand it. You don't want to just, you don't speed through it. Me
Surabhi: fix it.
Nidhi: Yeah. Yeah. If you're here for me to fix it, then I'll fix it and I'll fix it two months later again and two months later.
Again, if you really want fix it, you really want to get to know your body. I want you to let go of that expectation and [00:46:00] really try to be, I'm curious about what's happening in your body. So, um, some days I bore my patients to death, but
Surabhi: like, but you know, I think they'll pro, they'll probably leave better off, not just for their pelvic floor, but their overall health.
Um, because it does take as long as it takes. It's like fitness. How long will it take me to get back to I, I don't know. It'll take as long as it takes cuz it's not just. Yeah, research will. I hate how people are like, oh, research says it takes this many weeks, but also you're a human being, not a research subject and life might sideline you with, uh, injury or death in the family or something major and that is going to impede or impact your recovery as well.
And um, I think just honoring that we are not a perfect timeline and it things just take time. So I love that. And you do advocate for that on your page too, where it's putting the power. Not back because the power's always in the patient's hands, but helping them see that they have the power to speak up.
Yeah. Or to, you know, advocate for themselves. [00:47:00]
Change the World
Surabhi: If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?
Nidhi: US healthcare system that really would change, like maternity, uh, system. It's like, it's a, it's really, I cannot imagine how, how much longer can we go on like this. this is a crisis, an absolute crisis.
You know, you've heard about the, the abortion care as well. It's like, it's going south so fast. Yeah. That we need like a U-turn so that I think the whole world probably needs US to like get it together
Surabhi: well because they often model or they, they use US as a model and they're copying like the Western approach and as if it's better all the time, but it's not.
Um, and I would change that too. And I think that it affects people of color, black women. You know, disproportionately in people who are, you know, lower socio socioeconomic status. So it doesn't impact everyone in the US the same way. And so some people might be like, what? You know, what's the problem? It's great here, [00:48:00] but it impacts so many other people.
Um, going back to work in two weeks. What?
Nidhi: Yeah. One and four. It's insane. One in four. Wow.
Surabhi: 25%. That's a lot. And, um, that's too much. No, no woman should feel the need to do that, and unless she wants to truly right autonomy, but at the same time that pressure shouldn't be there. Um,
Nidhi's Mom Strength
Surabhi: Nidhi tell me what you think is your, what you feel is your mom's strength.
Um,
Nidhi: I think adaptability, I'm, I'm really, learning, or at least I've gotten good at being adaptable, , from. From the 25 year old who was like controlling everything, even 35 year old was controlling everything to like, you know, I'm 38 and really learning to, uh, adapt around things and more than anything, just sort of find the, find the good or what's good's going right instead of what's going wrong
so I love that. I think that is my [00:49:00] strength.
Surabhi: I'm like, Inspired by you. I just see, you know, I'm like, this is what, you know, I've learned so much from you. Thank you so much ni for sharing. Um, so much of yourself, uh, online, on social media here. Um, if people wanted to connect with you, what's the best place they can meet you at?
Nidhi: So, my Instagram handle is pelvis dot and beyond. , I also have a Facebook page by that name, but I'm very much more active on Instagram and, my email is Sharma pt. If you wanna put that in show notes, I'll put that in at gmail dot go. If they wanna reach out, if they're in the area, if they're looking for, uh, pelvic floor health.
Uh, virtually or in person. And, sometime next year I will start some online programs. I'm working on it right now. Love it. So, so we'll, you know, we'll talk about that when we get there, but social media is probably the easiest place to follow me at and follow what I'm up to.
Surabhi: Awesome. [00:50:00] Um, that's where I, we, that's where we, we connected so we'll, I'll definitely share all of those links.
Um, what languages you speak, by the way. Hindi and English. Okay. Somebody just asked me if I spoke. One of the many Indian languages. And I'm like, I don't, but maybe I know somebody who does. Um, Hindi is a goal of mine to re-practice cause I only learned till I was in grade five and I've forgotten so much. And the only lines that I know now are Bollywood movies.
Um, and so I can speak very dramatically, but, uh,
Nidhi: I mean, that's where we all learn our Hindi is Bollywood movies.
Surabhi: It's true. Uh, Nidhi thank you so much for sharing your time with us. Uh, lots of love to you and I'm so excited for my audience and to listen to this. Um, if you like this episode, please tag us on social media and share this with your community and your friends.
Thank you so much.
Nidhi: Thank you, Surabhi
